It’s been two years since I lost my wife Bette on October 11, 2004. I still have the image burned in my mind of her lifeless body laying in our bed when I found her at home that day.
In some ways, it seems like just yesterday since we were sitting in the coffee shop at our favorite bookstore sharing articles we were reading from our different magazinzes or watching a Baltimore Ravens game together or just lying and holding each other in our bed. I can still feel her touch and see the look in her eyes, the one that told me she loved me with every fiber of her being and always would.
In other ways, though, it seems like a lifetime ago that we shared our lives with each other. A LOT has happened in my life over the last two years, and as this anniversary approached I wondered—what would I do if I had one more day with her and I could share what these last two years have been like without her. What if I could tell her what I’ve learned about myself, about our relationship, and the direction my life has gone without her.
I’d steer her away from the bookstore because there’s a lot that’s happened in the world that would really upset her. She felt at strongly as I did that our nation was heading in the wrong direction and that the Bush administration and the religious right was causing a deeper division among people, practicing exclusion instead of inclusion. We talked a lot about that during the 2004 political conventions and I was thankful she did not have to endure the reelection of President Bush.
I would bring Bette to my home where I could spend one-on-one time with her and really show her what my life is like now.
I would tell her how a day has not gone by without me missing her.
I would tell Bette how deeply I still love her and feel her love inside my heart and soul. As many of you know, I am happily remarried to Pastor Brenda and my love for her grows every time I see her, talk to her, or touch her. I don’t understand the dynamic of still loving Bette while giving myself completely to Brenda and I doubt I will ever be able to explain it, but I know it to be true.
I would show her some of my writing as evidence that I continue to pursue the dream we shared and spent so much time talking about. She would be pleased with my sportswriting and the progress I am making on my novel, and probably taken aback with my GLBT and political advocacy blogs. Since she spent a good chunk of her time before I met her advocating for disadvantaged people in Illinois and shared my perspectives regarding GLBT issues and politics, I think she would be proud that I have put myself out there to stand up for what I believe.
Bette would see a man much more at peace that he was two years ago. I had allowed myself to be beaten down by the world and had grown somewhat cynical and angry. I had lowered the bar for what I expected our of life beyond the quality time we had together. Most of that was because both of us, but especially me, had drifted away from fellowship with Jesus. I was trying to live a godly life without God’s help; a recipe for sure failure. I often felt I wasn’t as strong as I should have been in our marriage and in many ways not as good a man as she deserved. I’ve worked through a lot of that now, and I suspect she would pick up that vibe immediately—Bette always knew me better in many ways than I knew myself.
I would thank her for being the first person in my life to show me unconditional love and tell her how my life truly started the day I met her. Any happiness or success I have had since then or will have in the future has its genesis in that love and the way she showed her unwavering belief in me.
I would thank Bette for all the fun we had, often playing like little children. She was my baby girl and I was her baby boy, and we could be the happiest little orphans around. I would tell her how much I regret the time we could have had together but didn’t because I was too obsessed with work, sports, or just wanted to be by myself. The best times I had in our 12 years together were with her, not without her, and I wish I had made that a higher priority.
Bette often saw me struggle with balance in my life, and I’m doing a lot better with that these days. That is largely due to the influence of the Holy Spirit since I have embraced it as an active part of my day-to-day life. Part of that, however, is due to learning that I could withstand the worst possible thing that could happen in my life, losing her. Once that happened and I found out that I could still function, a lot of things bothered me a lot less than they used too. Surviving her passing left me with a giant dose of perspective I didn’t previously have.
I would tell her how glad I am that she experiences no more physical pain and has a peace that must surpass my understanding. She deserves to be at peace, and knowing she was made it possible for me to gradually accept her early departure from this world.
I would then introduce Bette to Brenda. I would tell Bette how much I love Brenda, and in many ways I can give and also receive Brenda’s love because of what I learned from Bette. At that point, I suspect Bette would look at Brenda and see something familiar. Bette had a way of looking at me, what she called “the Jimmy look,” that was full of passion and a totally committed, eternal love. She would probably notice Brenda gazing at me in that same way, and that look would say more than any words ever could. I expect that they would embrace and Bette would say that, as much as she wants to be with me, she will be at peace knowing I am being loved and taken care of.
As our time drew to a close, I would walk Bette to the door and pray with her, thanking God for bringing her into my life and giving her eternal life. I would then hold her like I used to, not wanting her to go but knowing she must. I would let her go, we would pledge eternal love to each other, and then her earthly body would fade away as she returns to heaven.
I would return to Brenda, hold her like I never want her to go, pledge my eternal love to her, then bury my head in her shoulders and cry like a baby; exhilarated from seeing Bette and showing her this wonderful life I have now and devastated by losing her again.
It would be then be time to look forward again, building upon the blessings that God has given me, none greater than my wonderful wife and partner Brenda who accepts and appreciates the role Bette played in my life and the love I will always have for her.
If you haven’t told the person you love how special they are to you and what makes that so, please get up from your computer right now and tell them or call them if they’re not with you.
Fortunately, I left very little unsaid with Bette. One of my best friends told me Bette’s sudden passing taught him to take more time to appreciate his wife and tell her he loves her. I know I do that with Brenda, and I hope you do also.
Don’t wait until your life is impacted by tragedy to jumpstart your life like I did. Do it now while your loved one is still here to share it. I won’t have this second chance I just wrote about, and neither will you.
October 10, 2006
October 08, 2006
"Sin is Neither Republican or Democratic"
That would probably come as a shock to many of the Republican operatives we know as the religious right. Here is a piece by author Diana Butler Bass that makes this point and more. Here's an excerpt:
"Making sexuality a political issue, as much of the Religious Right has done, distracts from a host of other issues, such as poverty, war, and environmental concerns. But it also obscures the fact that Christians agree (as my friend and I do) on many things regarding this intimate part of our lives. We agree that sexuality is a gift from God, that love and commitment are foundational to sexual expression, that marriage is the best vessel for human sexuality, and that authenticity, honesty, fidelity, and mutual regard form the basis of Christian sexual relationships. Sex is, theologically, an ultimate expression of self-giving and surrender, qualities that resemble those in Christian spirituality. As the medieval mystics taught, humanity sexuality is a metaphor for our relationship with God."
"God is, as scripture tells us, the author of all goodness. God never rejoices in sin, and we know that sin is not the exclusive possession of any political party. The darkness that stalks us is neither Republican nor Democratic. It is part of the human condition, that which makes us all cry out for compassion—and that compassion is an apt starting point for a Christian politics of grace, not partisan vindictiveness."
Doesn't that put things in their proper, balanced perspective?
"Making sexuality a political issue, as much of the Religious Right has done, distracts from a host of other issues, such as poverty, war, and environmental concerns. But it also obscures the fact that Christians agree (as my friend and I do) on many things regarding this intimate part of our lives. We agree that sexuality is a gift from God, that love and commitment are foundational to sexual expression, that marriage is the best vessel for human sexuality, and that authenticity, honesty, fidelity, and mutual regard form the basis of Christian sexual relationships. Sex is, theologically, an ultimate expression of self-giving and surrender, qualities that resemble those in Christian spirituality. As the medieval mystics taught, humanity sexuality is a metaphor for our relationship with God."
"God is, as scripture tells us, the author of all goodness. God never rejoices in sin, and we know that sin is not the exclusive possession of any political party. The darkness that stalks us is neither Republican nor Democratic. It is part of the human condition, that which makes us all cry out for compassion—and that compassion is an apt starting point for a Christian politics of grace, not partisan vindictiveness."
Doesn't that put things in their proper, balanced perspective?
October 07, 2006
Conservatives Contradict Themselves in Foley Scandal
As this report from the San Francisco Chronicle states, there are conservatives who are trying to weasel out of responsibility for permitting sexual predator Rep. Foley to continue unpunished until he was recently outed.
There are conservatives who are saying they feared taking any action against Foley because they would then be labled as gay-bashers. Of course, they are saying that while people like Tony Perkins are gay bashing with the old, inaccurate, correlation between homosexuality and pediopheila.
From the Chronicle report:
"Patrick Sammon, executive vice president of the Log Cabin Republicans, a 20,000-member national group of gay and lesbian Republicans, scoffed at the notion that Hastert and other GOP House leaders dragged their feet on the Foley case because of the gay-bashing issue.
"These anti-gay groups should be ashamed. They're trying to use this horrible situation to advance their own agenda. It's despicable,'' said Sammon, who decried Foley's conduct. "This is a personal and political scandal. It should not be used to denigrate gay and lesbian Americans.''
Hopefully voters will remember that in November.
There are conservatives who are saying they feared taking any action against Foley because they would then be labled as gay-bashers. Of course, they are saying that while people like Tony Perkins are gay bashing with the old, inaccurate, correlation between homosexuality and pediopheila.
From the Chronicle report:
"Patrick Sammon, executive vice president of the Log Cabin Republicans, a 20,000-member national group of gay and lesbian Republicans, scoffed at the notion that Hastert and other GOP House leaders dragged their feet on the Foley case because of the gay-bashing issue.
"These anti-gay groups should be ashamed. They're trying to use this horrible situation to advance their own agenda. It's despicable,'' said Sammon, who decried Foley's conduct. "This is a personal and political scandal. It should not be used to denigrate gay and lesbian Americans.''
Hopefully voters will remember that in November.
Judge's Nomination Held Up Due to Committment Ceremony
Notoroius anti-gay senator Sam Brownback (R-Kansas) is holding up the nominaton of Janet T. Neff to the U. S. District Court in Michigan because she participated in a committment ceremony for a same-sex couple.
According to this report in The Adovacte:
Brownback cited recent instances in California and New York where local officials issued marriage licenses to same-sex couples contrary to existing laws. ''I don't know what she did,'' Brownback said. ''That's why there's a factual question.''
Brownback has asked the U.S. Justice Department for a formal legal opinion in addition to asking Neff specific questions. Joe Solmonese, president of the gay advocacy group Human Rights Campaign, said commitment ceremonies ''have nothing to do with the law. This was a symbolic expression of love between two people. This is nothing more than Sam Brownback looking for another opportunity to rear his bigoted head and find a way to attack gay people."
Brownback claimed about the judge's actions, "''It seems to speak about her view of judicial activism."
I believe this actually says a lot more about Senator Brownback's views on judicial activism than judge Neff's. After all, if the legislature filters out judicial appointments of people who don't agree with them, isn't that a passive-aggressive type of judicial activism in itself?
According to this report in The Adovacte:
Brownback cited recent instances in California and New York where local officials issued marriage licenses to same-sex couples contrary to existing laws. ''I don't know what she did,'' Brownback said. ''That's why there's a factual question.''
Brownback has asked the U.S. Justice Department for a formal legal opinion in addition to asking Neff specific questions. Joe Solmonese, president of the gay advocacy group Human Rights Campaign, said commitment ceremonies ''have nothing to do with the law. This was a symbolic expression of love between two people. This is nothing more than Sam Brownback looking for another opportunity to rear his bigoted head and find a way to attack gay people."
Brownback claimed about the judge's actions, "''It seems to speak about her view of judicial activism."
I believe this actually says a lot more about Senator Brownback's views on judicial activism than judge Neff's. After all, if the legislature filters out judicial appointments of people who don't agree with them, isn't that a passive-aggressive type of judicial activism in itself?
October 06, 2006
UCC Strikes Back at FRC's Latest Homophobic Smear
In my recent post about the scandal swirling around former congressman Mark Foley's e-mails to underage pages, I wrote about comments spewed by the head of the Family Research Council, Tony Perkins. He used this situation to claim that "the real issue was the link between homosexuality and child sexual abuse."
The leader of the United Church of Christ, their general minister and president Rev. John H. Thomas, has stepped up and taken a stand. "Perkins recent remarks are destructive to gay and lesbian persons and their families and distract the nation’s attention from the real issue at hand, which is protecting young people from sexual predators,” said Thomas."
“To suggest that gay and lesbian persons should be barred from public service, as Perkins has implied, is akin to suggesting that white, straight males should be kept out of politics because of Bill Clinton’s sexual misdeeds,” Thomas said. “To attach this debate to sexual orientation is not only ludicrous, it’s dangerous. Many gay and lesbian persons serve honorably in public office.”
“If anything, this nation’s culture of silence with respect to gay and lesbian people has taught us that hiding, shame and denial, as in Foley’s case, are not healthy ways to live as a gay or lesbian person — not for them as individuals and not for us as a society,” Thomas said.
“One of the tragic elements in the recent incident involving Mark Foley is the way the media give credence to those who make the unfortunate, salacious and inaccurate leap that Mr. Foley’s behavior is rooted in his sexual orientation.” Chase said. “Such characterization slanders an entire group of citizens and fuels the forces of suspicion and division that plague our country.”
Well said, Rev. Thomas. It's good to see a religious leader with perspective who is willing to take the initiative to speak out against ones who misrepresent facts in order to spread hatred and bigotry.
The leader of the United Church of Christ, their general minister and president Rev. John H. Thomas, has stepped up and taken a stand. "Perkins recent remarks are destructive to gay and lesbian persons and their families and distract the nation’s attention from the real issue at hand, which is protecting young people from sexual predators,” said Thomas."
“To suggest that gay and lesbian persons should be barred from public service, as Perkins has implied, is akin to suggesting that white, straight males should be kept out of politics because of Bill Clinton’s sexual misdeeds,” Thomas said. “To attach this debate to sexual orientation is not only ludicrous, it’s dangerous. Many gay and lesbian persons serve honorably in public office.”
“If anything, this nation’s culture of silence with respect to gay and lesbian people has taught us that hiding, shame and denial, as in Foley’s case, are not healthy ways to live as a gay or lesbian person — not for them as individuals and not for us as a society,” Thomas said.
“One of the tragic elements in the recent incident involving Mark Foley is the way the media give credence to those who make the unfortunate, salacious and inaccurate leap that Mr. Foley’s behavior is rooted in his sexual orientation.” Chase said. “Such characterization slanders an entire group of citizens and fuels the forces of suspicion and division that plague our country.”
Well said, Rev. Thomas. It's good to see a religious leader with perspective who is willing to take the initiative to speak out against ones who misrepresent facts in order to spread hatred and bigotry.
October 03, 2006
GOP Leaders Sell Out Principles to Protect Foley's Vote
When you hear Republicans talk ad nauseum about values, keep this in mind--they value nothing more than winning and don't care who gets hurt in the process.
I believe that was already fairly obvious, but information coming out regarding the Mark Foley situation makes that even more so.
Foley, of course, is the Republican congressman who resigned last week after the revelation of perverted e-mails he sent to underage congressional pages. More is coming out about how much the party's leadership, all the way up to Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert, knew about the situation and their failure to take any action besides informal warings to pages to stay away from him.
The Republicans valued Foley's party-line voting record more than protecting young volunteers from a sexual predator.
Meanwhile, Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council used this situation to launch another right-wing attempt to tie in homosexuality and pedophilia. Classy move, but about what I would expect.
One of the functions of government is supposed to be the protection of it's citizens. Who, then, will protect us from the government and its alleged leaders?
I believe that was already fairly obvious, but information coming out regarding the Mark Foley situation makes that even more so.
Foley, of course, is the Republican congressman who resigned last week after the revelation of perverted e-mails he sent to underage congressional pages. More is coming out about how much the party's leadership, all the way up to Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert, knew about the situation and their failure to take any action besides informal warings to pages to stay away from him.
The Republicans valued Foley's party-line voting record more than protecting young volunteers from a sexual predator.
Meanwhile, Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council used this situation to launch another right-wing attempt to tie in homosexuality and pedophilia. Classy move, but about what I would expect.
One of the functions of government is supposed to be the protection of it's citizens. Who, then, will protect us from the government and its alleged leaders?
October 02, 2006
"Religion Gone Bad"-Drifting Away From Jesus
I'm linking to a review over at the excellent site "The Prodigal Sheep" of Mel White's latest book, "Religion Gone Bad." Here are a couple of excerps:
"White traces the development of this movement and its growth in influence through the particular prism of its apalling and utterly inexcusable treatment of LGBT people. Drawing on sociological research into the roots of fascism, he explores the uncanny and extensive parallels between historical fascist movements and the spirit of fascism masquerading as 'Judeo-Christian' morality."
"White doesn't really ask this question outright, but it's hard not to: What is the difference today between moderate-to-extreme Islamic mullahs who preach death to Jews and Westerners in their mosques and whose words incite others to hateful violence, and 'Christian' fundamentalist clergy who preach death to gays and lesbians from their pulpits and whose words also incite others to acts of violence?
There is none."
"If the American Taliban have their way, LGBT people won't merely be pushed back into the closet but will be permanently made second or third class citizens, or worse."
There is some very thought provoking, and scary, stuff here. Check out the entire review, then I suspect you may want to read the book.
"White traces the development of this movement and its growth in influence through the particular prism of its apalling and utterly inexcusable treatment of LGBT people. Drawing on sociological research into the roots of fascism, he explores the uncanny and extensive parallels between historical fascist movements and the spirit of fascism masquerading as 'Judeo-Christian' morality."
"White doesn't really ask this question outright, but it's hard not to: What is the difference today between moderate-to-extreme Islamic mullahs who preach death to Jews and Westerners in their mosques and whose words incite others to hateful violence, and 'Christian' fundamentalist clergy who preach death to gays and lesbians from their pulpits and whose words also incite others to acts of violence?
There is none."
"If the American Taliban have their way, LGBT people won't merely be pushed back into the closet but will be permanently made second or third class citizens, or worse."
There is some very thought provoking, and scary, stuff here. Check out the entire review, then I suspect you may want to read the book.
October 01, 2006
"Healing, Feeding, and Loving, Not Nationalism"
This is a wonderful, heartfelt editorial written by a pastor in the Midwest and published in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.
Here are the parts that jumped out at me:
"I want to celebrate my unity with sisters and brothers who seek to follow the God that I know in the healing, feeding and teaching ministries of Jesus, not the ones who use Jesus' name to bomb abortion clinics. I want to build on the unity that I share with others who recognize God's kingdom as one of justice, peace and inclusive love, not those who use Jesus' name to preach hate. I no longer trust that a container labeled "Christian" necessarily has contents that I'm willing to share"
"We would like to say that all Christians share the basic values of God's love, but it is in the name of Jesus that the Alliance Defense Fund trains attorneys "to battle the radical homosexual legal agenda." In the name of Jesus, American Vision's leader, Gary DeMar, writes that another "long-term goal" should be "the execution of abortionists and parents who hire them."
I think I would be really blessed if I ever have the opportunity to visit Pastor Hawker's church.
Here are the parts that jumped out at me:
"I want to celebrate my unity with sisters and brothers who seek to follow the God that I know in the healing, feeding and teaching ministries of Jesus, not the ones who use Jesus' name to bomb abortion clinics. I want to build on the unity that I share with others who recognize God's kingdom as one of justice, peace and inclusive love, not those who use Jesus' name to preach hate. I no longer trust that a container labeled "Christian" necessarily has contents that I'm willing to share"
"We would like to say that all Christians share the basic values of God's love, but it is in the name of Jesus that the Alliance Defense Fund trains attorneys "to battle the radical homosexual legal agenda." In the name of Jesus, American Vision's leader, Gary DeMar, writes that another "long-term goal" should be "the execution of abortionists and parents who hire them."
I think I would be really blessed if I ever have the opportunity to visit Pastor Hawker's church.
September 30, 2006
Not Exactly Civil Discourse on Civil Unions
Thanks to PageOneQ for this tip on this disturbing story.
An incident occurred in a restaurant in suburban Milwaukee recently that shows just how deep the irrational, visceral hatred of GLBT people and the opposition to them having basic rights like marriage can run.
A group of lesbian, gay and transgender friends were sitting in this restaurant discussing the proposed Wisconsin constitution amendment that would ban civil unions and gay marriage. During that private, peaceful conversation, an individua joined them and eventually started punching two of the people involved. Before he fled the scene, he threw chairs and other objects and threatened to shoot someone.
The local police have yet to make an arrest, and the Antiviolence Project of the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center is pushing for hate crime charges to be filed in the case.
I don't post this story to even remotely imply that this is typical of opposition to GLBT rights, but when is the last time you heard of a gay or lesbian person or a GLBT ally tearing up a restaurant or committing any similar act against people who oppose those rights.
While I am not comfortable with some comparisons I have heard to the civil rights battles of the 1960's and the struggle for GLBT equality, this incident does raise up one common thread in my mind. The hatred and bigotry that must be overcome to insure equality for GLBT people, just like it was for African-Americans, is deeply imbedded in a frigtheningly large portion of this nation's population. As anyone who pays attention knows, it has hardly disappeared regarding the African-American community and will be a constant presence through this generation and those who follow. Only continued advocacy and education can make that gradually diminish, and we can already see some evidence of that happening in today's society.
There is a long, long, long way to go, however, and it is incumbent upon GLBT people and their allies to keep pushing and advancing the cause. Equality won't happen by itself.
An incident occurred in a restaurant in suburban Milwaukee recently that shows just how deep the irrational, visceral hatred of GLBT people and the opposition to them having basic rights like marriage can run.
A group of lesbian, gay and transgender friends were sitting in this restaurant discussing the proposed Wisconsin constitution amendment that would ban civil unions and gay marriage. During that private, peaceful conversation, an individua joined them and eventually started punching two of the people involved. Before he fled the scene, he threw chairs and other objects and threatened to shoot someone.
The local police have yet to make an arrest, and the Antiviolence Project of the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center is pushing for hate crime charges to be filed in the case.
I don't post this story to even remotely imply that this is typical of opposition to GLBT rights, but when is the last time you heard of a gay or lesbian person or a GLBT ally tearing up a restaurant or committing any similar act against people who oppose those rights.
While I am not comfortable with some comparisons I have heard to the civil rights battles of the 1960's and the struggle for GLBT equality, this incident does raise up one common thread in my mind. The hatred and bigotry that must be overcome to insure equality for GLBT people, just like it was for African-Americans, is deeply imbedded in a frigtheningly large portion of this nation's population. As anyone who pays attention knows, it has hardly disappeared regarding the African-American community and will be a constant presence through this generation and those who follow. Only continued advocacy and education can make that gradually diminish, and we can already see some evidence of that happening in today's society.
There is a long, long, long way to go, however, and it is incumbent upon GLBT people and their allies to keep pushing and advancing the cause. Equality won't happen by itself.
September 29, 2006
Congressman Resigns Over Lewd E-Mails to Teenage Boys
Mark Foley, a powerful Republican congressman from Florida, resigned today as more information came out about e-mail and instant messaging exchanges he had with male teenage pages.
I don't post the story here as another example of how evil Republicans or politicians can be. This is another example of what appears to be a self-loathing gay man buried deep in his closet, something I find very sad.
What is even sadder and more harmful is that this man was the chairman of the House caucus on missing and exploited children. He crusaded against using the Internet to sexually exploit those who were under age, even calling those who were guilty of this "sick people; they need mental health counseling." He was also, of course, very outspoken against gay rights.
It's bad enough when a person can't look themselves in the mirror and accept who they are. It's even worse when they have the power to not only hurt themselves but others like them, punishing others for their self-loathing.
At least now there will be one less person in Congress with the power to do that.
I don't post the story here as another example of how evil Republicans or politicians can be. This is another example of what appears to be a self-loathing gay man buried deep in his closet, something I find very sad.
What is even sadder and more harmful is that this man was the chairman of the House caucus on missing and exploited children. He crusaded against using the Internet to sexually exploit those who were under age, even calling those who were guilty of this "sick people; they need mental health counseling." He was also, of course, very outspoken against gay rights.
It's bad enough when a person can't look themselves in the mirror and accept who they are. It's even worse when they have the power to not only hurt themselves but others like them, punishing others for their self-loathing.
At least now there will be one less person in Congress with the power to do that.
September 27, 2006
WHOSOEVER: Unhealthy Faith
10 Beliefs of an Unhealthy Faith
1. God's love and favor depends on my behavior.
2. All ministers are people of God and can be trusted.
3. Material blessings are a sign of spiritual strength.
4. I can work my way to heaven.
5. Problems in my life are a result of some kind of sin.
6. If it's not in the Bible it isn't relevant.
7. A strong enough faith will protect me from problems and pain.
8. God hates sinners, is angry with me, and wants to punish me.
9. Having true faith means waiting for God to help me; doing nothing until He does.
10. More than anything else God wants me to be happy.
1. God's love and favor depends on my behavior.
2. All ministers are people of God and can be trusted.
3. Material blessings are a sign of spiritual strength.
4. I can work my way to heaven.
5. Problems in my life are a result of some kind of sin.
6. If it's not in the Bible it isn't relevant.
7. A strong enough faith will protect me from problems and pain.
8. God hates sinners, is angry with me, and wants to punish me.
9. Having true faith means waiting for God to help me; doing nothing until He does.
10. More than anything else God wants me to be happy.
September 26, 2006
Hate Mongering at the "Values Voter Summit"
Yes, apparently hate was one of the values in great demand at the summit held in Washington, DC last weekend. The "Values Voter Summit," led by James Dobson, Tony Perkins, and the other religious right "standard" bearers, featured some tough talk directed to the LGBT community (that might be you) and its allies (people like me). Here are some of the lowlights:
Bishop Wellington Boone, founder of the Wellington Boone Ministries: "But I want to tell you something is, they (GLBT people) don’t know, we’re driven by God to deal with this stuff, and I want to say to you that, in this regard, I’m not playing with you. That when it comes to the matter of this gay stuff, I know that a family is not a man and a man or a woman and a woman. It’s a man and a woman. That’s the creative order, and I’m not backing down."
Rev. Dwight McKissic of Cornerstone Baptist Church in Texas: As reported by People For The American Way. "he said, the gay rights movement was inspired “from the pit of hell itself,” and has a “satanic anointment.” The gay rights movement was birthed and inspired by the anti-Christ. He suggested that the anti-Christ is himself gay, citing a verse from the book of Daniel saying the anti-Christ will have no desire for a woman."
I would not suggest you blow these off as just intolerant rantings. This conference attracted several potential Republican presidential candidates and the current U. S. Attorney General. These statements and other intolerant, hateful remarks were not made as some little backwards church gathering in the heat of the moment on a Sunday morning. This was a serious national convention attended by some of the leading policy makers in the United States!
I'm posting these remarks and writing about the "Values Voter Summit" to make you angry (not at me please, I'm only the messenger). Hopefully any thoughts you have about sitting out the 2006 elections are overcome by reading trash like this. None of those presidential candidates sniffing around trying to gain favor with the mighty religious right came out and said anything publicly opposing this hatred.
It's up to the GLBT community and its allies to come out and publicly oppose the right wing's policies of discrimination and condemnation, especially when it comes time to cast you ballots on November 7.
Bishop Wellington Boone, founder of the Wellington Boone Ministries: "But I want to tell you something is, they (GLBT people) don’t know, we’re driven by God to deal with this stuff, and I want to say to you that, in this regard, I’m not playing with you. That when it comes to the matter of this gay stuff, I know that a family is not a man and a man or a woman and a woman. It’s a man and a woman. That’s the creative order, and I’m not backing down."
Rev. Dwight McKissic of Cornerstone Baptist Church in Texas: As reported by People For The American Way. "he said, the gay rights movement was inspired “from the pit of hell itself,” and has a “satanic anointment.” The gay rights movement was birthed and inspired by the anti-Christ. He suggested that the anti-Christ is himself gay, citing a verse from the book of Daniel saying the anti-Christ will have no desire for a woman."
I would not suggest you blow these off as just intolerant rantings. This conference attracted several potential Republican presidential candidates and the current U. S. Attorney General. These statements and other intolerant, hateful remarks were not made as some little backwards church gathering in the heat of the moment on a Sunday morning. This was a serious national convention attended by some of the leading policy makers in the United States!
I'm posting these remarks and writing about the "Values Voter Summit" to make you angry (not at me please, I'm only the messenger). Hopefully any thoughts you have about sitting out the 2006 elections are overcome by reading trash like this. None of those presidential candidates sniffing around trying to gain favor with the mighty religious right came out and said anything publicly opposing this hatred.
It's up to the GLBT community and its allies to come out and publicly oppose the right wing's policies of discrimination and condemnation, especially when it comes time to cast you ballots on November 7.
September 25, 2006
IRS Targets A Church-A Pro-Gay Church
When you see the first part of that title, you may be thinking it is about time the IRS followed through on its threats to crack down on the legal restrictions of political activities by non-profit organizations. There would probably be widespread agreement about that point among the readership here, revoking the tax-exempt status of churches who preach politics rather than God's word.
You might be surprised, like me, to learn that their current target is a pro-gay, anti-war church in Pasadena, California. One would think that, with all of the right-wing, anti-gay political rhetoric being spewed from pulpits around the country the IRS might be putting the squeeze on one of them but noooooooooo, a liberal church is under investigation because of an anti-war sermon preached during the 2004 campaigns.
Maybe I'm getting a bit jaded, but I find the choice of this church quite odd. It couldn't have been politically motivated could it?
Of course, if any IRS representatives read this--I'm with you, you folks do a great job! Please don't audit me.
You might be surprised, like me, to learn that their current target is a pro-gay, anti-war church in Pasadena, California. One would think that, with all of the right-wing, anti-gay political rhetoric being spewed from pulpits around the country the IRS might be putting the squeeze on one of them but noooooooooo, a liberal church is under investigation because of an anti-war sermon preached during the 2004 campaigns.
Maybe I'm getting a bit jaded, but I find the choice of this church quite odd. It couldn't have been politically motivated could it?
Of course, if any IRS representatives read this--I'm with you, you folks do a great job! Please don't audit me.
September 24, 2006
Announcing a new project, "Disciples From the Left"
I am proud and excited to announce a new project that I believe is a natural outgrowth of this blog. I am now editing a blog titled, "Disciples From the Left." The viewpoint of that blog will be similar to Straight, Not Narrow except that I will be addressing a wider range of issues. Rather than focus on GLBT related issues, I will be discussing topics like the war in Iraq, the economy, terrorism, and anything I find significant in the political arena. As I do here, I will be relating events and policies back to the Bible and the will of God. I believe much of what has been done in the U. S. society in recent years with the name of God attached to it has little to do with Him. I hope to provide a clear view of what the Holy Spirit has led me to believe is the TRUE will of God, one that does not include this nation continuing to move toward a totalitarian state, where torture is actually something to be debated, where rights are being restricted and privacy invaded on a routine basis.
It is time for Christians to take a stand, and I want to be counted among those who do stand up for God's true word and will for our lives.
I hope you check it out at http://disciplesfromtheleft.blogspot.com
I am also seeking other like-minded individuals to participate in the project. Please notify me by e-mail at straight_notnarrow@yahoo.com if you have something you want to say and would like to do on "Disciples From the Left."
It is time for Christians to take a stand, and I want to be counted among those who do stand up for God's true word and will for our lives.
I hope you check it out at http://disciplesfromtheleft.blogspot.com
I am also seeking other like-minded individuals to participate in the project. Please notify me by e-mail at straight_notnarrow@yahoo.com if you have something you want to say and would like to do on "Disciples From the Left."
September 23, 2006
Evangelicals May Stay Home On Election Day
As hard as it may be to believe, this report tells us that there is enough dissatisfaction among conservative evaneglical voters to put their turnout at the polls in November at risk.
Although the religious right has dominated the debate on issues like same-sex marriage, the fact that they have not forced a complete surrender among it's advocates has resulted in some disappointment with the Republicans who have been at the forefront of that and other so-called "values issues."
Of course, the folks at Focus on the Family are doing their best to keep the pot stirred. They are distrubiting a DVD titled, "Why Not Gay Marriage?" The video answers ten questions such as "How will my same-sex marriage hurt your marriage?" and "Is it healthy to subject children to experimental families?"
Many churches around the nation are holding "non-partisan" voter registration drives. Anything to do with a political election that is conducted in a church, while it may not be illegal, is in my view simply wrong, regardless of the "non-partisan" focus. Do ministers go and preach the gospel at polling locations? I don't think so.
Harry Knox, director of the religion and faith program at the Human Rights Campaign, the nation's largest gay rights group, said religious progressives are beginning to speak out on gay marriage and other issues.
He said, for example, that the Human Rights Campaign recently launched its "Out In Scripture," a free weekly online resource to help clergy in planning their sermons and spiritual discussion groups.
"People on our side of the conversation, who have been silent for a long time, are tired of being silent," Knox said.
Amen to that!
Thanks to Jerry Maneker's site, "A Christian Voice for GLBT Rights" for the link.
Although the religious right has dominated the debate on issues like same-sex marriage, the fact that they have not forced a complete surrender among it's advocates has resulted in some disappointment with the Republicans who have been at the forefront of that and other so-called "values issues."
Of course, the folks at Focus on the Family are doing their best to keep the pot stirred. They are distrubiting a DVD titled, "Why Not Gay Marriage?" The video answers ten questions such as "How will my same-sex marriage hurt your marriage?" and "Is it healthy to subject children to experimental families?"
Many churches around the nation are holding "non-partisan" voter registration drives. Anything to do with a political election that is conducted in a church, while it may not be illegal, is in my view simply wrong, regardless of the "non-partisan" focus. Do ministers go and preach the gospel at polling locations? I don't think so.
Harry Knox, director of the religion and faith program at the Human Rights Campaign, the nation's largest gay rights group, said religious progressives are beginning to speak out on gay marriage and other issues.
He said, for example, that the Human Rights Campaign recently launched its "Out In Scripture," a free weekly online resource to help clergy in planning their sermons and spiritual discussion groups.
"People on our side of the conversation, who have been silent for a long time, are tired of being silent," Knox said.
Amen to that!
Thanks to Jerry Maneker's site, "A Christian Voice for GLBT Rights" for the link.
September 22, 2006
"Old Time Religion With a Gay Twist"
Wayne Besen has an interesting column up on his site about a revival meeting in the foothills of western North Carolina led by ex-gay minister Tim Wilkins.
Besen attended the meeting and noticed a surprising dynamic in the audience:
"Most significant, however, was when Wilkens asked the crowd if they knew someone who was gay. A sea of hands rose and the preacher remarked that when he asked this question ten years ago, less than 10 percent of audiences raised their hands. Today, he said, the number can exceed eighty percent of a congregation. Here, in the foothills, it was becoming clear that the gay community had gained a foothold. The crowd was not there to gripe about homosexuals, but searching for ways to grapple with a loved one who had come out."
We can only pray that Wilkins' message didn't do too much harm to the relationships between those folks who raised their hands and the GLBT people that caused them to be in the air.
Besen attended the meeting and noticed a surprising dynamic in the audience:
"Most significant, however, was when Wilkens asked the crowd if they knew someone who was gay. A sea of hands rose and the preacher remarked that when he asked this question ten years ago, less than 10 percent of audiences raised their hands. Today, he said, the number can exceed eighty percent of a congregation. Here, in the foothills, it was becoming clear that the gay community had gained a foothold. The crowd was not there to gripe about homosexuals, but searching for ways to grapple with a loved one who had come out."
We can only pray that Wilkins' message didn't do too much harm to the relationships between those folks who raised their hands and the GLBT people that caused them to be in the air.
September 21, 2006
Changing My Policy on Comments
I do most of the talking on this blog, but I also listen and learn from the input I receive from my terrific readers. Recently, I have received some very constructive feeback, both publicly and privately, regarding the increase in negative comments being posted here.
When I started this blog, my goal was to keep it as an open forum where people on both sides of issues relating to the GLBT community could have a say. While I still think this is the ideal approach, it has become clear to me that it is not a viable one. My first priority here is to advocate for GLBT individuals, to be a place that gay Christians can come and receive the word of God and updates on issues relevant to them. I also want it to be a safe place for GLBT people who are struggling and have been deeply wounded by the homophobic religious right. I want them to be able to come here and find some word that will help them start the healing process and realize that God loves them just as much as he does me and Pastor Brenda.
The bottom line is I want this to be a safe place for GLBT people, somewhere they can come without having to worry about being attacked. In the spirit of trying to keep an open forum, I have allowed people to post some very hateful messages. Even thought they have been responded to in kind, I have grown to understand that the fact they are here in the first place can be hurtful. For anyone who has read some of those comments and been angered or hurt, please accept my apology.
It won't happen again.
If anyone wants to question scripture references and ask how I can feel a certain way, read the blog. I'm approaching nearly 300 posts and covered a lot of ground. If you're asking a sincere question, the answers are probably there. If not, don't bother posting a comment. If you want to post slanderous, homophobic, bigoted, hateful messages, take it somewhere else or start your own blog. Those type of comments will be deleted without exception.
Anybody who wants to challenge me on something is welcome to send an e-mail to straight_notnarrow@yahoo.com. I continue to hope there are people out there who will read the material here and ask questions with an open mind. Those folks are still welcome to comment and join our discussions.
Rather than stiffle discussion here, I want to encourage it. I often find the constructive comments here are better than my original post. Many readers have commented to me that this blog has been a blessing to them. Well, it works both ways--people who actively participate here have richly blessed me.
Aren't we all supposed to support and help each other grow? Isn't that what God had in mind when He first popluated the earth?
When I started this blog, my goal was to keep it as an open forum where people on both sides of issues relating to the GLBT community could have a say. While I still think this is the ideal approach, it has become clear to me that it is not a viable one. My first priority here is to advocate for GLBT individuals, to be a place that gay Christians can come and receive the word of God and updates on issues relevant to them. I also want it to be a safe place for GLBT people who are struggling and have been deeply wounded by the homophobic religious right. I want them to be able to come here and find some word that will help them start the healing process and realize that God loves them just as much as he does me and Pastor Brenda.
The bottom line is I want this to be a safe place for GLBT people, somewhere they can come without having to worry about being attacked. In the spirit of trying to keep an open forum, I have allowed people to post some very hateful messages. Even thought they have been responded to in kind, I have grown to understand that the fact they are here in the first place can be hurtful. For anyone who has read some of those comments and been angered or hurt, please accept my apology.
It won't happen again.
If anyone wants to question scripture references and ask how I can feel a certain way, read the blog. I'm approaching nearly 300 posts and covered a lot of ground. If you're asking a sincere question, the answers are probably there. If not, don't bother posting a comment. If you want to post slanderous, homophobic, bigoted, hateful messages, take it somewhere else or start your own blog. Those type of comments will be deleted without exception.
Anybody who wants to challenge me on something is welcome to send an e-mail to straight_notnarrow@yahoo.com. I continue to hope there are people out there who will read the material here and ask questions with an open mind. Those folks are still welcome to comment and join our discussions.
Rather than stiffle discussion here, I want to encourage it. I often find the constructive comments here are better than my original post. Many readers have commented to me that this blog has been a blessing to them. Well, it works both ways--people who actively participate here have richly blessed me.
Aren't we all supposed to support and help each other grow? Isn't that what God had in mind when He first popluated the earth?
September 20, 2006
WHOSOEVER: Don't let anger make you sin
"Be angry, but do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your wrath, neither give place to the devil." Ephesians 4:26,27 MOD
God knew we would have occasion to be angry. More than that, God knew we would have occasion to be filled with wrath. God also knew that being in a place of anger or wrath can potentially make us vulnerable to the devil. So, in God's loving wisdom and kindness, He made a way for us to stay clear of the devil's influence. He instructs us to get over it. He instructs us to not let a day go by before we deal with the anger. Otherwise, we leave ourselves wide open to the attacks of the enemy just like blood in the water where sharks are feeding.
God would not have given us such instructions if it weren't possible to accomplish. The Holy Spirit is ever present to give us strength, guidance, and comfort. All we have to do is call on His help..... and get over it.
God knew we would have occasion to be angry. More than that, God knew we would have occasion to be filled with wrath. God also knew that being in a place of anger or wrath can potentially make us vulnerable to the devil. So, in God's loving wisdom and kindness, He made a way for us to stay clear of the devil's influence. He instructs us to get over it. He instructs us to not let a day go by before we deal with the anger. Otherwise, we leave ourselves wide open to the attacks of the enemy just like blood in the water where sharks are feeding.
God would not have given us such instructions if it weren't possible to accomplish. The Holy Spirit is ever present to give us strength, guidance, and comfort. All we have to do is call on His help..... and get over it.
September 19, 2006
"I Hate Being Gay"
I found this gut-renching essay on The Adovcate.com written by a young man named Kyle Rice in Washington State. Kyle is fighting a battle in his heart and soul that he appears to be losing. For example:
"I focus on fighting efforts to force the "gay agenda" on those of us who know God does not accept homosexuality. Although I do not condone discrimination, I also do not support gay marriage laws or many of the other issues backed by gay rights groups. I am a proud conservative Republican, and I support political candidates who feel the same way I do."
Kyle is so indoctrinated by the religious right's message of condemnation that he supports legislation that restricts his own rights. He's also deep into self-loathing, writing:
"I know God would not approve of me acting on my gay feelings, and I have no right to question his directive. I know that in the end I will be happy I lived my life according to God’s standards the best that I could. That means refusing to accept being gay."
People like Kyle are one of the primary groups my church and this blog are trying to reach out to. It appears he has never been taught that he doesn't have to choose between being a Christian or accepting himself for who he is because God accepts him.
Sadly, I very strongly believe that he is mistaken in his belief that he can deny who he really is and still live a happy life. He and many others like him have allowed Satan to speak to him through those who don't understand or intentionally misrepresent God's word and prevent him from experiencing the fullness of life as a gay Christian.
I hope you will join me in praying that Kyle Rice can soon accept himself for who he is and discover the life that God has planned for him.
"I focus on fighting efforts to force the "gay agenda" on those of us who know God does not accept homosexuality. Although I do not condone discrimination, I also do not support gay marriage laws or many of the other issues backed by gay rights groups. I am a proud conservative Republican, and I support political candidates who feel the same way I do."
Kyle is so indoctrinated by the religious right's message of condemnation that he supports legislation that restricts his own rights. He's also deep into self-loathing, writing:
"I know God would not approve of me acting on my gay feelings, and I have no right to question his directive. I know that in the end I will be happy I lived my life according to God’s standards the best that I could. That means refusing to accept being gay."
People like Kyle are one of the primary groups my church and this blog are trying to reach out to. It appears he has never been taught that he doesn't have to choose between being a Christian or accepting himself for who he is because God accepts him.
Sadly, I very strongly believe that he is mistaken in his belief that he can deny who he really is and still live a happy life. He and many others like him have allowed Satan to speak to him through those who don't understand or intentionally misrepresent God's word and prevent him from experiencing the fullness of life as a gay Christian.
I hope you will join me in praying that Kyle Rice can soon accept himself for who he is and discover the life that God has planned for him.
September 18, 2006
The Hypocrisy of James Dobson
I write a lot about Dr. Dobson and his campaign of hate and discrimination against the GLBT community. Here is another piece about Dobson that echoes many of the sentiments I have expressed on this blog. The writer, Robert Parham, is the executive director of the Baptist Center for Ethics.
He writes, "Dobson may have finally gone too far in pushing a political agenda under the guise of morality. Sincere pastors may finally turn him off for transgressing the boundaries between conservative Christian values and political conservative leaders."
We can only hope.
He writes, "Dobson may have finally gone too far in pushing a political agenda under the guise of morality. Sincere pastors may finally turn him off for transgressing the boundaries between conservative Christian values and political conservative leaders."
We can only hope.
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