Forgiving...it's not an easy thing to do!

I’ve been reflecting on a subject lately that I think touches all of us…It’s forgiveness.
As a lesbian, I have had to learn to forgive in situations I never thought I’d encounter. Who really thinks that their family members will turn their backs on them for being who they are? When do you imagine that someone will call you a faggot to your face? How is it possible to lose your job when you have a great performance record? Why is it that I can’t get married to the person I fell in love with 14 years ago?

As a Christian, I am called by God to forgive seventy times seventy! That’s virtually impossible. However, it highlights the fact that God wants me to forgive over and over and over again. Then, when I think I just can’t forgive again, I must do it. I used to think that I had to forgive those who repented or those who asked forgiveness, but that’s not the case. Forgiveness is for me. If I don’t forgive, I am bound to that person. Harboring bitterness only serves to make you a bitter person. That doesn’t cause repentance in the other person. It doesn’t make them stop and say, “Oh, I made them mad. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Therefore, forgiveness starts the healing process inside of me. Case in point: I have a family member who has basically ignored my existence since learning of my sexual orientation. At first, I got angry. I thought, who is that person to judge me? How dare they? Then I just ignored them back. I always seemed to dread any gathering in which this family member was a part of. It was a terrible situation to find myself in. Eventually, I realized that my reaction to the indifference and ignorance was a way to hang onto the bitterness. It didn’t help me any to constantly hate knowing that I would have to cross that person’s path.

I got to the point where I said to myself that I needed to move on and I couldn’t do that if I continued to hide behind my bitterness. I can’t say that family gatherings are perfect. Far from it! However, I now look for ways to engage that family member in a positive conversation on their level and stay away from anything that smacks of me throwing that ignorance back in their face. It’s very freeing for me! I don’t dread the gatherings anymore. I actually look forward to them. I also have learned that forgiving someone is much easier when I remind myself that God forgave me. I hurt Him worse than anyone has ever hurt me. I have sinned over and over again in my life and yet He still sent His Son to die for my redemption. Who am I to say I can’t forgive another person? No matter what people do to me, it can never be as bad as what I’ve done to God. His forgiveness gave me the grace to forgive others. I’m so grateful for that.

I have had to forgive other Christians as well as people who I don’t even know. Every time I allow forgiveness to flow through me, I’m better off for it. So, even when I have my dander up over the latest law that bans gay marriage or the politician who says we’re “unnatural”, I remind myself that they are just ignorant and that I know what the truth is. For those who will listen, I share that truth. For those who are unwilling to listen, I leave it up to them and God. Otherwise, I leave myself open to being bitter and hard-hearted. Who wants that?

Sharone