October 26, 2005


When I woke up this morning, I made a number of choices. I decided to get up early and check e-mail. I chose to feed the cat and play with him. I stopped for breakfast on my way to work. I made those and numerous other decisions before the sun was fully over the horizon today.

I did not decide that today I would be a heterosexual. In fact, I've never made that choice. Even before puberty descended upon me, I was attracted to cute girls, and that has never changed. It just came naturally.

I was fortunate that, with the occasional objection of an object of my desire, this "lifestyle" was not condemned by anyone. I've never heard a preacher tell me I was a sinner because I was a practicing heterosexual, and I've yet to endure a politician drone on about legislation that would deny me the right to marry someone of the opposite sex. As a result, I've never struggled with my sexuality--nobody every told me my natural desires were wrong, and I've always felt free and unencumbered to express and explore them.

If I had grown up in a home where I was raised by two gay men or two lesbians who railed against heterosexual relationships and told me how dirty and sinful they were, I very well could have run into some serious issues. Low self esteem and sexual confusion would have been among the likely possibilities.

If religious leaders had condemned my desires for women, I probably would have pulled away from God, not feeling myself worthy of his love because of what a dirty, rotten sinner I was at heart. I may have even felt no other choice but to find a nice man to settle down with if I wanted love and companionship within socially accepted parameters.

If I had "come out" as a heterosexual, then renounced it so I could marry someone my church and state found was of an acceptable gender, I would be a "cured" or "delivered" heterosexual, even if the desires were still burning inside me.

If, like me, you are a practicing heterosexual, try to imagine this having happened to you. Pretty horrible picture, isn't it? Then why do so many of our churches and politicians insist on putting gay and lesbian people through this type of living hell? What good can come of a person denying who he or she is and allow themselves to be reformed according to someone else's idea of who they should be? Why do so many people allow themselves to be swayed by statements and beliefs rooted in ignorance?

Fortunately, we can trust God to sort it out in the end.


  1. "This type of living hell?" What kind of "hell" is it you're referencing?

  2. I am referring to the inability of a person to ever know true fulfillment, happiness, or peace. After all, how can someone have any of those without living a life reflective of the way God made them.

  3. With all due respect, Jim, you have no way of knowing if they're living the way God made them. Clearly, He made them, but beyond that, we have no way of knowing if gays were made gay, or allowed, by God, to become gay for His own reasons. Further, God did not speak favorably regarding sexual relations between men. So how do you know God's mind in this matter is as you claim?

    From my own personal experience, fulfillment, happiness and peace come from inside and nowhere else. Those who look for their peace of mind or fulfillment from others are usually always left wanting, disappointed when it is discovered that what they thought they wanted, or needed, didn't bring the result desired. From that perspective, as well as a Biblical perspective, it is hard for me to understand why anyone would feel that not being allowed to marry is a "living hell."

    Again, this is a weighty subject and I would like you to know that my questions and comments are in no way intended to be an attack upon you or anyone else.

  4. As a gay man and a Christian, I am curious if someone would tell me how I became gay if God did not make me this way inasmuch as God made other people straight. Everyone assumes God made them straight, right? I was not raised by gays or in a gay-friendly church or social environment. No one ever pointed out any advantages to being gay (are there any?) and no gay man ever tried to seduce me by his wiles or charms. I dated women, had sex with women, but never, ever felt that as my primary desire. My dreams -- well beyond my control -- were always agbout guys, my crushes were on guys. I didn't choose it; I figured I would grow out of it. When I was growing up, gays were universally despised, subject to all sorts of civil and social sanctions. It wasn't cool. There were no Fab Five TV programs, no Will & Grce, no metrosexuals. So why am I gay?

    If we believe God is involved at all, then God is involved in this.

  5. I think it's entirely possible for people to have no choice in their sexual orientation and yet not believe they were born that way. I don't know how I got to be this way. I just know that years of trying to change (and spending time in ex-gay ministries, etc) hasn't worked. I might have been born this way - I might not have been. Who can say with certainty? I guess I mostly don't care. However I got here, it's where I am and there doesn't seem to be much that works for changing it.

    Good thoughts on the issue of "choice" when it comes to orientation, Jim. Thanks.

  6. Finally, a straight person who really understands! Jim thank you, I have often wished the heterosexual community could spend a few months or years in my shoes and see the pain and suffering they inflict on GLBT folks.

    I am a Gay Christian, I love The Lord, I always have. For a while I left the church because I allowed myself to believe that God did not love me. Thankfully God never gave up on me.

    I pray that God will use your blog to plant a seed of understanding in all of our minds.

    My motto lately has been, "God approves of me, and his opinion is the only one that matters!"

    Thanks again for your encouragment and understanding

  7. Momma Twoop,

    I appreciate you taking time to read the material on this site and ask questions. I'll answer anything you care to ask to the best of my ability.

    You are absolutely right, I have no idea who God made gay and who is actively choosing to live that lifestyle. There are certainly people in both categories. That's why I wrote "God will sort it out in the end." He knows, and ultimately that's all that really matters. Since we don't know, society and the church, IMO, are in no position to judge people.

    Instead of condemnation, there needs to be much more focus on showing people the way to accepting Jesus and experiencing His love for them.