From the Canadian Press via Freedom to Marry:
When Marisa Miller married David Wolfson last year, the couple added a statement to their vows that they both passionately believe in the right of all people to marry regardless of sexual orientation.
With gay friends making up about 20 per cent of guests and two openly gay religious clergymen officiating, it seemed appropriate to note they felt "somewhat out of step with society's views on marriage."
"I thought it was really, really beautiful and very healing," said the Rev. Nate Walker, who presided with Rabbi Frank Tamburello. "It brought tears to my eyes, thinking that I am legally entitled to marry this wonderful couple but I am not entitled to have the same joy in my own life."
Such statements have become more common at heterosexual weddings. But not all gay guests appreciate the gesture. Some, like Pattrice Jones, compare straight couples' efforts at solidarity to a white person joining a whites-only country club and making a quick statement of support for blacks who are excluded.
"Just don't join the club, it's that simple," said Jones, a lesbian author.
After a wedding last year in which a straight couple read a statement of solidarity with gay couples, Jones said her "gay friends rang to tell me about it. They were horrified and really annoyed. We all felt it was so wrong to grab all the benefits that marriage gives you and just make a little statement to calm your guilt."
That last statement strikes me as misdirected anger and way off base. When Brenda and I got married, we had no reason to feel guilty because the several same-sex couples in attendance could not also enjoy those legal benefits. I wish now we had included a statement of support in our ceremony, but everyone there knew how strongly we felt about equality so we didn't feel it was necessary.
In fact, Brenda has presided at same-sex committment ceremonies, and I participated in the only one we've had at church since I've been attending.
These statements are nice, but need to be followed up with action to have any real meaning. In the meantime, those who support same-sex marriage who currently have the legal right to marry should do so without apologizing to anyone.
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I see no logic in demanding that others be martyrs to one's cause.
ReplyDeleteThis would be akin to vegetarian guests being indignant that the couple went out of their way to ensure that a vegetarian option were available at the reception, but did not make the entire event meat-free.
I agree.
ReplyDeleteBe glad they even thought of our cause at all!
People like Pattrice have invested so much in the battle that they are no longer individuals apart from their cause. When the battle is won they will have all sorts of problems finding a reason to live. There comes a point, when victory is close, when they will sabotage their own cause in order to prolong the battle and retain their sense of self-importance and difference. Being ordinary is a very scary concept for those whom the majority of the population have previously defined as abnormal. This is not a gay thing - it happens in every situation where a minority is fighting an oppressive majority.
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