"Ex-Gay Harm: Let Me Count the Ways"

One of the most contentious points in the ongoing debate regarding the concept of becoming an "ex-gay" is that of the amount of harm the process can do to someone seeking to be changed but not realizing any perceptible difference after going through counseling, sometimes after spending years of their life and thousands of dollars trying to rid themselves of homosexual attractions. They are often motivated by familes or churches telling them they are "aborations to God" or sexual deviants, among other lovely things.

I have not come across anyone who has provided a more intimate, up-close, and personal view into this than Peterson Toscano. Peterson is an entertainer, blogger, and activist who journeyed through a personal hell trying to get to the point where he could be comfortable living as a straight man. That effort failed miserably, and he has devoted much time and energy to helping others avoid the pain he went through. He cofounded the organization "Beyond Ex-Gay" to reach out to more people than he could individually.

I share this with you because Peterson has posted a blog entry titled, "Ex-Gay Harm: Let Me Count the Ways" and was kind enough to share it with me:

In the past 4.5 years I have been in contact with over 1000 ex-gay survivors. These are people who pursued ex-gay experiences, either on their own, or more often, assisted by others like a therapist, minister, ex-gay program. They attempted to change or suppress their sexual orientation and may have referred to themselves as ex-gays or simply strugglers or by some other name.

Through hearing their stories (some of which are posted on Beyond Ex-Gay--bXg) and in unpacking my own ex-gay journey, I have begun to understand the many ways people can be harmed by their ex-gay experiences. Many of us also received certain benefits from our ex-gay experiences, but in most cases the harm outweighs the good.

I realize that the ex-gay experience is not the only culprit in bringing harm. The anti-gay church and a homophobic society and in many cases one's own family contributes to the damage. But what the ex-gay experience does is deepen that harm by offering hope for some sort of change or freedom. Led by sincere and caring people, our ex-gay programs, therapists and ministers encouraged us and because of their kindness and sincerity, we often pressed on long after we realized the it was not working. Only afterwards did we began to understand the trauma we introduced into our lives as a result of submitting to ex-gay experiences.

Below is a list of categories outlining areas of harm along with brief descriptions for each. I invite ex-gay survivors to leave comments with specific examples and further explanations for any of the categories that resonate for them. They can even add new categories.

(warning: this can be heavy stuff to look at, so before you do, make sure you feel somewhat prepared and aware that this might bring up stuff for you)

If you are confused about how to handle same-sex attractions you are experiencing and have considered pursuing the "ex-gay" route, it is imparitive that you click through to Peterson's blog entry and not just read it, but study what he writes and decide if you really want to subject yourself to some if not all of the damaging issues that can manifest during that therapy/counseling.

If you are someone who has encouraged a person to take this path, or if you have supported an ex-gay ministry in the past, I emplore you to carefully review Peterson's post and reconsider your approach.