Thanks to a link from the Rainbow Ark Live Journal (check my list of links out to visit their site), this blog received a recent spike in international visitors, especially from Asia. Welcome!
When I began this blog on 6/20/05, it never occurred to me that I would receive many visitors from beyond the borders of the United States. Instead, readers have visited Straight, Not Narrow from 38 different nations! Just one of the many things I have learned during this process; the message of Jesus' love and inclusion is one that people hunger to hear all over the world.
I thank the sites based in France and Singapore that have posted links to Straight, Not Narrow. I'm glad you have found the material here worthwhile. As I add posts, I'll try whenever possible to view issues from a global perspective.
There are many false prophets spread out all over the world that would have people believe God hates them because of their ethnicity, social status, or sexual orientation. If you really know Jesus and don't filter his message through your own prejudices, it becomes clear that is not God's message.
Hate and exclusion are the message of the enemy. Love and inclusion is truly the heart of Jesus, and that's what you will find here. Thanks again for taking time to visit wherever in the world you might be. Please feel free to post a comment or e-mail me directly at straight_notnarrow@yahoo. The only restriction is that it must be in English--I do not have the gift of language.
November 15, 2005
November 14, 2005
Moving Past Anger
"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." James 1:19-20
Yeah, yeah, I know--those words are easy to repeat but hard to put in practice. After all, if I knew what (fill in the blank) did to you, I would understand your anger and feel the same way myself.
What do we accomplish when we have anger built up inside our hearts? Possibly shorten our lives, for one thing, but definately diminish the quality of it. That's right, WE'RE the ones that get hurt when WE let anger become a part of who we are. When we look at the world through the filter of negativism, we don't make anyone more unhappy than ourselves. There are plenty of times in our lives when the target of our anger doesn't even realize we're upset! They can go about their lives as if nothing is wrong and we're the ones carrying the extra weight around.
We can't hear this message too often because it is too easy to let anger build up inside of ourselves and take away from whatever good we have in our lives. Even worse, it gets in the way of our relationship with God. Can we really open our hearts and minds to the Holy Spirit if we're pissed off at our spouse/family/friends? No, because the noise of that anger will drown out what the Lord would tell us. He wants us to be still and listen--have you ever tried that if you're really agitated or your heart is just seething with anger? It just doesn't work.
I'm directing this to myself along with you the reader. I've had plenty of anger at people in my life, and I've held some of it for years until I realized I was the only one being hurt by it. Thanks to the work the Holy Spirit has done in my life over the past year, I've been able to let go of most of those bad feelings--it's still a work in progress.
I'm also sure that many of the readers of this blog have dealt with horriffic situations I have only heard or read about and never personnally experienced. I empathize with just how deeply some scars can run and how difficult they are to heal. They won't just go away, though, they need healing action taken to them. Talking to the person you are angry with can be a wonderful blessing. We have recently had some of those experiences at my church, and they have enriched the whole congregation.
Regardless of how deeply you have been hurt, the Holy Spirit can bring you through to the other side where you can know true peace and joy. That is available, free of charge, to every man and woman, regardless of denomination, race, or sexual orientation.
If you would like to speak to a minister or just have the prayer support of a congregation help you through to the other side of anger, you can contact Believers' Covenant Fellowship at http://www.imabeliever.ws/home.cfm. I'll warn you, if you ask our church for prayer, you need to be ready for it to be answered because we have some amazing prayer warriors there. If you would be more comfortable speaking with a lay person, you can contact me by e-mail at straight_notnarrow@yahoo.com.
There is far too much anger in our world today. Let's do what we can as individuals to change that.
Yeah, yeah, I know--those words are easy to repeat but hard to put in practice. After all, if I knew what (fill in the blank) did to you, I would understand your anger and feel the same way myself.
What do we accomplish when we have anger built up inside our hearts? Possibly shorten our lives, for one thing, but definately diminish the quality of it. That's right, WE'RE the ones that get hurt when WE let anger become a part of who we are. When we look at the world through the filter of negativism, we don't make anyone more unhappy than ourselves. There are plenty of times in our lives when the target of our anger doesn't even realize we're upset! They can go about their lives as if nothing is wrong and we're the ones carrying the extra weight around.
We can't hear this message too often because it is too easy to let anger build up inside of ourselves and take away from whatever good we have in our lives. Even worse, it gets in the way of our relationship with God. Can we really open our hearts and minds to the Holy Spirit if we're pissed off at our spouse/family/friends? No, because the noise of that anger will drown out what the Lord would tell us. He wants us to be still and listen--have you ever tried that if you're really agitated or your heart is just seething with anger? It just doesn't work.
I'm directing this to myself along with you the reader. I've had plenty of anger at people in my life, and I've held some of it for years until I realized I was the only one being hurt by it. Thanks to the work the Holy Spirit has done in my life over the past year, I've been able to let go of most of those bad feelings--it's still a work in progress.
I'm also sure that many of the readers of this blog have dealt with horriffic situations I have only heard or read about and never personnally experienced. I empathize with just how deeply some scars can run and how difficult they are to heal. They won't just go away, though, they need healing action taken to them. Talking to the person you are angry with can be a wonderful blessing. We have recently had some of those experiences at my church, and they have enriched the whole congregation.
Regardless of how deeply you have been hurt, the Holy Spirit can bring you through to the other side where you can know true peace and joy. That is available, free of charge, to every man and woman, regardless of denomination, race, or sexual orientation.
If you would like to speak to a minister or just have the prayer support of a congregation help you through to the other side of anger, you can contact Believers' Covenant Fellowship at http://www.imabeliever.ws/home.cfm. I'll warn you, if you ask our church for prayer, you need to be ready for it to be answered because we have some amazing prayer warriors there. If you would be more comfortable speaking with a lay person, you can contact me by e-mail at straight_notnarrow@yahoo.com.
There is far too much anger in our world today. Let's do what we can as individuals to change that.
November 10, 2005
The "Threat" of Same-Sex Marriage
If you think there's been a lot of focus in recent months on the issue of gay marriage, just wait. The fire is just getting warm and is sure to burn right through the 2006 elections. The latest chapter of this story was Wednesday's approval of a measure to establish a U. S. constitutional amendment baning gay marriage by the Senate's Judiciary subcommittee on the Constitution. Ironically, the measure is named the "Marriage Protection Amendment."
I must once again ask who exactly are conservatives working so hard to protect? As a straight man only days away from getting married myself, I don't feel the least bit threatened by any same-sex couples that would like to do the same (unless they invite us to the wedding and want an expensive gift). If anything, my impending nuptuals make me even MORE supportive of their right to marry, to experience the joy and fulfillment of making not only an emotional committment but a legal one to the person we love most in the world. I see couples in my own church who are in long-term committed loving relationships that should have every bit as much right as I do to be recognized as legal spouses.
How exactly would the right of men to leagally marry men or women to legally marry women diminish my marriage to a woman? Going back to the early days of this nation, there has always been a faction who felt threatened by the granting of rights to anyone not quite like them, feeling that it would diminish their stature, their power, whatever.
At one point in our history, blacks did not have the right to be educated, own land, and vote. Women didn't gain the right to vote until early in the 20th century, when the U. S. was well over 125 years old. Arguements were made back in the day about how these restrictions were needed to protect society. We now hear those same justifications to support not legally recognizing same-sex marriage.
Despite the loud and well financed message of the anti-gay conservatives, I feel this too will pass just like other restrictions have fallen by the wayside over the decades and centuries. Despite the efforts of these right-wingers to hold us back, society gradually becomes more enlightened as time moves forward.
After all, Jesus' message was about unconditional love. Let's put our effort on promoting love. One way of doing that is encouraging people that love each other to make the firmest committment possible to each other.
I must once again ask who exactly are conservatives working so hard to protect? As a straight man only days away from getting married myself, I don't feel the least bit threatened by any same-sex couples that would like to do the same (unless they invite us to the wedding and want an expensive gift). If anything, my impending nuptuals make me even MORE supportive of their right to marry, to experience the joy and fulfillment of making not only an emotional committment but a legal one to the person we love most in the world. I see couples in my own church who are in long-term committed loving relationships that should have every bit as much right as I do to be recognized as legal spouses.
How exactly would the right of men to leagally marry men or women to legally marry women diminish my marriage to a woman? Going back to the early days of this nation, there has always been a faction who felt threatened by the granting of rights to anyone not quite like them, feeling that it would diminish their stature, their power, whatever.
At one point in our history, blacks did not have the right to be educated, own land, and vote. Women didn't gain the right to vote until early in the 20th century, when the U. S. was well over 125 years old. Arguements were made back in the day about how these restrictions were needed to protect society. We now hear those same justifications to support not legally recognizing same-sex marriage.
Despite the loud and well financed message of the anti-gay conservatives, I feel this too will pass just like other restrictions have fallen by the wayside over the decades and centuries. Despite the efforts of these right-wingers to hold us back, society gradually becomes more enlightened as time moves forward.
After all, Jesus' message was about unconditional love. Let's put our effort on promoting love. One way of doing that is encouraging people that love each other to make the firmest committment possible to each other.
Is This Fight REALLY Worth the Cost?
As I read about the results of various state and local election ballot questions the last couple of days, I was again struck by how many pertained to the issue of same-sex marriage. Knowing how out of control political campaigns can get, I did a quick Google on the words "cost, same-sex, and marriage." The first story I came up with was about an election last year in Ohio. The report in The Gay People's Chronicle in Cleveland was an investigate piece detailing where the contributions came from to support the group campaigning against same-sex marriage.
Without going into great detail here (it's all in the report), I can sumarize it by telling you that most of the money, not surprisingly, was contributed by religious, fundamentalist orgainzations to the tune of well over a million dollars.
How many people could have been fed with that money? How many poor children could have been clothed with that money? How many sick people without insurance could have received medical attention with that money? How many homeless people could have received shelter and perhaps even some vocational training with that money?
How would Jesus have wanted those funds, and the many millions spent all over the USA, to be used? Would he have wanted organizations allegedly acting in his name to wage a political campaign, or help those who are cold, hungry, and sick? Just a quick glance through the New Testament answers that question very clearly.
Perhaps some "christian based" organizations need to spend a little time reading their bible before allocating their resources.
Without going into great detail here (it's all in the report), I can sumarize it by telling you that most of the money, not surprisingly, was contributed by religious, fundamentalist orgainzations to the tune of well over a million dollars.
How many people could have been fed with that money? How many poor children could have been clothed with that money? How many sick people without insurance could have received medical attention with that money? How many homeless people could have received shelter and perhaps even some vocational training with that money?
How would Jesus have wanted those funds, and the many millions spent all over the USA, to be used? Would he have wanted organizations allegedly acting in his name to wage a political campaign, or help those who are cold, hungry, and sick? Just a quick glance through the New Testament answers that question very clearly.
Perhaps some "christian based" organizations need to spend a little time reading their bible before allocating their resources.
November 09, 2005
Expressing and Teaching the Wrong Message
Thanks to 365gay.com, I ran across another one of those really troubling stories that I felt obligated to comment on. There was an anti-gay protest in Bloomington, Indiana that, although it did not involve thousands of people, demonstarted two very disturbing views.
As reported by the Indiana University student newspaper "The Daily Student," the group was comprised of about 25 members of the Old Paths Baptist Church. They gathered on the IU campus to begin their demonstration, them moved on to a gay-owned store called "The Inner Chef," and burned a gay pride flag.
One of the chants the group shouted in front of the store, according to the report, was "Fags Die, God Laughs." I only wish I was making up such twisted, sacreligious behavior. I challenge anyone to find one single example in the bible where God showed any pleasure at ANYONE perishing. There are plenty of situations in the Old Testament where He wiped out large numbers of people for going against his will, but the part where God laughed, smiled, or was anything but saddened by it didn't make it into any translation I've ever seen.
Perhaps the most basic principle of Christianity is that God LOVES us. He doesn't always like us when we drift away from his will for our lives, that's for sure, but he NEVER stops loving us. He is the epitome of unconditional love. In that light, hearing of a group proclaiming itself christian shouting what these protesters did in Indiana makes me sick to my stomach.
The other part of this story that troubles me even more was where it was reported that the demonstration was "complete with children playing instruments and singing songs beside the sign-weilding adults."
What ARE we teaching our children? This group is teaching them how to hate, and to do it in God's name. Sadly, there are situations where hate IS a family value.
As reported by the Indiana University student newspaper "The Daily Student," the group was comprised of about 25 members of the Old Paths Baptist Church. They gathered on the IU campus to begin their demonstration, them moved on to a gay-owned store called "The Inner Chef," and burned a gay pride flag.
One of the chants the group shouted in front of the store, according to the report, was "Fags Die, God Laughs." I only wish I was making up such twisted, sacreligious behavior. I challenge anyone to find one single example in the bible where God showed any pleasure at ANYONE perishing. There are plenty of situations in the Old Testament where He wiped out large numbers of people for going against his will, but the part where God laughed, smiled, or was anything but saddened by it didn't make it into any translation I've ever seen.
Perhaps the most basic principle of Christianity is that God LOVES us. He doesn't always like us when we drift away from his will for our lives, that's for sure, but he NEVER stops loving us. He is the epitome of unconditional love. In that light, hearing of a group proclaiming itself christian shouting what these protesters did in Indiana makes me sick to my stomach.
The other part of this story that troubles me even more was where it was reported that the demonstration was "complete with children playing instruments and singing songs beside the sign-weilding adults."
What ARE we teaching our children? This group is teaching them how to hate, and to do it in God's name. Sadly, there are situations where hate IS a family value.
November 06, 2005
Why I Am An Activist
This is the first time I have used that word to describe myself. Here's one reason I am.
It never ceases to amaze me how hateful and deceitful people can be in the name of God or "family values."
What is most troubling is how loud some of these voices are. That's why voices of love and inclusion must speak up. If we are not heard, then the only message people will hear is that of hate and exclusion. I'm not willing to have that happen, and I hope you aren't either.
It never ceases to amaze me how hateful and deceitful people can be in the name of God or "family values."
What is most troubling is how loud some of these voices are. That's why voices of love and inclusion must speak up. If we are not heard, then the only message people will hear is that of hate and exclusion. I'm not willing to have that happen, and I hope you aren't either.
November 04, 2005
"Promoting Homosexuality"
The title to this post is one of those phrases that makes me afraid I'm going to burst a blood vessel. The latest reference I saw to it was this news item from the Southern Baptist Convention of Texas, a group not known for their open minds. They unanimously passed a resolution encouraging parents to investigate whether the public schools in their areas are...wait for it...promoting homosexuality!
How does one go about promoting that in schools. Do they set up recruiting booths with women in leather boots and chains and men wearing pink chiffon handling out pamphlets? Hardly. Do activists walk up to students and say, "Hey, have you ever tried having sex with someone of the same gender? It's great!" Of course not.
What some school systems have the nerve to place in their cirriculum is a presentation of what homosexualtiy is. Since the teachings do not include an outright condemnation, there are fundamentalits like the SBC that get hysterical and act like the schools are encouraging their kids to be gay. How ridiculous! How narrow-minded!
What some school systems are valiantly attempting to teach regarding homosexuality is acceptance of someone different. You don't have to be gay to get abused in school--kids can be a very tough crowd--but it sure helps attract negative attention from students that don't know better. Some schools try to make sure that they DO know better. Unfortunately, this lesson of acceptance and inclusion can conflict with what they are being taught at home and in their church.
Some people can't stand the thought of their kids being smarter and more open-minded than they are. What a shame!
How does one go about promoting that in schools. Do they set up recruiting booths with women in leather boots and chains and men wearing pink chiffon handling out pamphlets? Hardly. Do activists walk up to students and say, "Hey, have you ever tried having sex with someone of the same gender? It's great!" Of course not.
What some school systems have the nerve to place in their cirriculum is a presentation of what homosexualtiy is. Since the teachings do not include an outright condemnation, there are fundamentalits like the SBC that get hysterical and act like the schools are encouraging their kids to be gay. How ridiculous! How narrow-minded!
What some school systems are valiantly attempting to teach regarding homosexuality is acceptance of someone different. You don't have to be gay to get abused in school--kids can be a very tough crowd--but it sure helps attract negative attention from students that don't know better. Some schools try to make sure that they DO know better. Unfortunately, this lesson of acceptance and inclusion can conflict with what they are being taught at home and in their church.
Some people can't stand the thought of their kids being smarter and more open-minded than they are. What a shame!
November 02, 2005
The Burden of Proof
If you can't absolutely prove something is true, then it must be false! That's one of the arguements anti-gay groups and activists put out there to support their view of the evil attached to homosexuality. What, you can't prove absolutely beyond the shadow of a doubt that being gay is something which is determined genetically? Then it MUST be a choice--a sinful, evil choice.
Now anyone who gives that more than about two second of thought should realize the falicy of that "logic."
What if a GLBT person insisted that one of these far-right fundamentalists PROVE they were saved, that they were filled with the Holy Spirit? They couldn't do it. It can't be scientifically proven that a person has received the gifts of the Spirit.
That's where faith comes in. In the Bible, Hebrews 11:1 (NIV) says, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." That's really one of the main principles of Christianity, isn't it?
Unfortunately, though, there are "Christians" who won't apply the principle of believing what can not be seen (or scientifically proven) to something they don't want to believe. Even worse, they pass judgement on those who don't comply, assuming the right God has very clearly stated is reserved for Him and Him alone. With this kind of un-Christlike attitude, I believe if anyone would have something to prove, it would be fundamentalists who focus more on playing God than being like him.
Now anyone who gives that more than about two second of thought should realize the falicy of that "logic."
What if a GLBT person insisted that one of these far-right fundamentalists PROVE they were saved, that they were filled with the Holy Spirit? They couldn't do it. It can't be scientifically proven that a person has received the gifts of the Spirit.
That's where faith comes in. In the Bible, Hebrews 11:1 (NIV) says, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." That's really one of the main principles of Christianity, isn't it?
Unfortunately, though, there are "Christians" who won't apply the principle of believing what can not be seen (or scientifically proven) to something they don't want to believe. Even worse, they pass judgement on those who don't comply, assuming the right God has very clearly stated is reserved for Him and Him alone. With this kind of un-Christlike attitude, I believe if anyone would have something to prove, it would be fundamentalists who focus more on playing God than being like him.
Methodists Reject Lesbian Minister
In a widely reported story, the highest court of the United Methodist Church recently defrocked an openly lesbian minister. At the same time, they reinstated a minister suspended for banning a gay man from his congregation.
I find both of these rulings misguided, but there is one important point to make in support of them. I think it is critical that religious denominations be consistent in the administration of the beliefs they have stated as a corporate body. Therefore, if their policies state that lesbians are not allowed to become ministers, they have the right to enforce it. After all, there are denominations that won't allow women, regardless of sexual orientation, to be ordained or serve in other leadeship roles.
Similarly, if their rules allow pastors discretion over the congreations, something that seems very dangerous to me, then the governing body must uphold decisions made under those rules.
I join many christians, both straight and gay, in condemning those rules, as is my right. Members of denominations with rules that restrict (or potentially prevent) the level of participation have three choices; sit and do nothing, leave the denomination, or stay and fight for change within the system.
I know many christians chose the first option, often because they were raised in a certain church and don't feel comfortable either pushing for a fundamental change in the church's beliefs or leaving altogether. I don't have data to back this up, but I strongly suspect this is a critical factor in allowing such conservative policies to stay in place in many large denominations.
I chose the second option myself. I was raised Southern Baptist and converted to Catholocism, but now happily worship at an independent, GLBT-affirming congregation. At Believers' Covenant Fellowship, we are committed to reaching out to the GLBT community and let them know that God's love and salvation is available to them, regardless of what they have been taught over the years.
The defrocked minister, Irene Elizabeth Stroud, has chosen the third option and will stay with her congregation in Philadelphia as a lay pastor. She told the New York Times, "I, like many people, will stay and fight. I think these decisions are another step in a journey, and one day the church will receive gay and lesbian people into ministry."
My prayers and those of my church are with you, Ms. Stroud, and those like you.
I find both of these rulings misguided, but there is one important point to make in support of them. I think it is critical that religious denominations be consistent in the administration of the beliefs they have stated as a corporate body. Therefore, if their policies state that lesbians are not allowed to become ministers, they have the right to enforce it. After all, there are denominations that won't allow women, regardless of sexual orientation, to be ordained or serve in other leadeship roles.
Similarly, if their rules allow pastors discretion over the congreations, something that seems very dangerous to me, then the governing body must uphold decisions made under those rules.
I join many christians, both straight and gay, in condemning those rules, as is my right. Members of denominations with rules that restrict (or potentially prevent) the level of participation have three choices; sit and do nothing, leave the denomination, or stay and fight for change within the system.
I know many christians chose the first option, often because they were raised in a certain church and don't feel comfortable either pushing for a fundamental change in the church's beliefs or leaving altogether. I don't have data to back this up, but I strongly suspect this is a critical factor in allowing such conservative policies to stay in place in many large denominations.
I chose the second option myself. I was raised Southern Baptist and converted to Catholocism, but now happily worship at an independent, GLBT-affirming congregation. At Believers' Covenant Fellowship, we are committed to reaching out to the GLBT community and let them know that God's love and salvation is available to them, regardless of what they have been taught over the years.
The defrocked minister, Irene Elizabeth Stroud, has chosen the third option and will stay with her congregation in Philadelphia as a lay pastor. She told the New York Times, "I, like many people, will stay and fight. I think these decisions are another step in a journey, and one day the church will receive gay and lesbian people into ministry."
My prayers and those of my church are with you, Ms. Stroud, and those like you.
November 01, 2005
Follow Him
The book of Matthew gives us another very clear example of how Jesus wants us to lead our lives. Jesus had healed a paralyzed man in Capernaum and came across a tax collector. In Jesus' time, tax collectors were even more despised than they are now. This entire area was under Roman control, and they stationed tax collectors in every town to make sure people paid proper homage to the Emperor. These men, who were above any local laws, often charged more than was actually due and pocketed the excess profit.
Jesus saw one of these loathed officials, a man named Matthew. In Matthew 9:9, he writes, "As Jesus went on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector's booth. 'Follow me,' he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him.
Please take note that he did not go home and ask his wife if it was okay, he didn't give Rome two weeks notice, he didn't say, "I'll do that after football season is over." Matthew did none of that. He immediately realized just who it was calling him, and he answered in a decisive and immediate manner. Talk about stepping out in faith!
Jesus is calling all of us to serve him in ways appropriate to the gifts he has blessed us with. In my own life, I have often been guilty of putting off that call because of going to school, pressures at work, financial difficulties, and extra demands because of a partially disabled wife. I kept God at arms' length (unless I needed something, of course) for many years, and I was the poorer for it. Once my wife passed away and my life was stripped down to its basics, I heard Him still calling, and I finally listened. This blog is but one manifestation of doing the work He has equipped me to do, and I am being blessed by it.
I have grown to understand some of the additional difficulties members of the GLBT community have in reaching this point, often torn between a partner who is not listening to Jesus' call, estranged from some if not all of their family who are unable to accept them as they are, and shunned by the very church they would want to join.
Jesus never said following him would be easy, but He also assured us he wound never ask us to do anything we were not equipped to do. He also told us in Matthew 19:19 "Everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or childern or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life."
We need to remove the obstacles keeping us from serving Jesus. Ultimately, we are the very ones who will benefit the most from doing so.
Jesus saw one of these loathed officials, a man named Matthew. In Matthew 9:9, he writes, "As Jesus went on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector's booth. 'Follow me,' he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him.
Please take note that he did not go home and ask his wife if it was okay, he didn't give Rome two weeks notice, he didn't say, "I'll do that after football season is over." Matthew did none of that. He immediately realized just who it was calling him, and he answered in a decisive and immediate manner. Talk about stepping out in faith!
Jesus is calling all of us to serve him in ways appropriate to the gifts he has blessed us with. In my own life, I have often been guilty of putting off that call because of going to school, pressures at work, financial difficulties, and extra demands because of a partially disabled wife. I kept God at arms' length (unless I needed something, of course) for many years, and I was the poorer for it. Once my wife passed away and my life was stripped down to its basics, I heard Him still calling, and I finally listened. This blog is but one manifestation of doing the work He has equipped me to do, and I am being blessed by it.
I have grown to understand some of the additional difficulties members of the GLBT community have in reaching this point, often torn between a partner who is not listening to Jesus' call, estranged from some if not all of their family who are unable to accept them as they are, and shunned by the very church they would want to join.
Jesus never said following him would be easy, but He also assured us he wound never ask us to do anything we were not equipped to do. He also told us in Matthew 19:19 "Everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or childern or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life."
We need to remove the obstacles keeping us from serving Jesus. Ultimately, we are the very ones who will benefit the most from doing so.
October 31, 2005
Take care of your own speck
As I am reading through the book of Matthew again, I have been reminded of several important principles Jesus spoke of in his ministry that I feel are very applicable to the mission of this blog.
In Chapter 7, during his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus spoke passionately about people being careful not to judge one another. Beginning in verse 3 (NIV), he said "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
Jesus wasn't being very subtle with this particular message, was he? It was about as subtle as getting hit with a 2 x 4 plank. It is very clear that He expects us to look inside ourselves first before we move forward with saving humanity.
Going around and telling others where they come up short is easy, isn't it? There are certainly no shortage of people willing to do so, that's for sure. Closely examining that face staring back at us in the mirror in the morning, now that's tough.
Jesus is the only person who has ever walked the earth with the moral authority to pass judgement on anyone. If someone in our lives is judging us because of our religious affiliation or sexual orientation, there's a good chance that they have their own issues to resolve with God.
My experience has taught me that the ones yelling the loudest about the spec they see in our eyes are often the people with the biggest planks in theirs.
In Chapter 7, during his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus spoke passionately about people being careful not to judge one another. Beginning in verse 3 (NIV), he said "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
Jesus wasn't being very subtle with this particular message, was he? It was about as subtle as getting hit with a 2 x 4 plank. It is very clear that He expects us to look inside ourselves first before we move forward with saving humanity.
Going around and telling others where they come up short is easy, isn't it? There are certainly no shortage of people willing to do so, that's for sure. Closely examining that face staring back at us in the mirror in the morning, now that's tough.
Jesus is the only person who has ever walked the earth with the moral authority to pass judgement on anyone. If someone in our lives is judging us because of our religious affiliation or sexual orientation, there's a good chance that they have their own issues to resolve with God.
My experience has taught me that the ones yelling the loudest about the spec they see in our eyes are often the people with the biggest planks in theirs.
October 29, 2005
One Person Learns to Unlearn
On his blog "Two World Collision", Eric talks about his struggle to unlearn the teaching and condemnation of his church becuase he is gay. He is now actively embracing both his christianity and homosexuality, an act many fundamentalists preach is a contradiciton.
The point I like the most that Eric writes about is the individual relationship he is developing with God. Eric is discerning Gods word through his own mind and heart, not that of a religious leader. Ultimately, that is what we all need to do.
Exposing ourselves to heatlhy portions of teaching and preaching is most beneficial when we take those lessons or thoughts or beliefs into our own prayer time and discern what they mean to ourselves as an indivdual person.
It matters only what God wants in your life, not what a preacher wants you to be. Hopefully we can all find a church where the messages match up and are not in conflict.
The point I like the most that Eric writes about is the individual relationship he is developing with God. Eric is discerning Gods word through his own mind and heart, not that of a religious leader. Ultimately, that is what we all need to do.
Exposing ourselves to heatlhy portions of teaching and preaching is most beneficial when we take those lessons or thoughts or beliefs into our own prayer time and discern what they mean to ourselves as an indivdual person.
It matters only what God wants in your life, not what a preacher wants you to be. Hopefully we can all find a church where the messages match up and are not in conflict.
October 26, 2005
Choices
When I woke up this morning, I made a number of choices. I decided to get up early and check e-mail. I chose to feed the cat and play with him. I stopped for breakfast on my way to work. I made those and numerous other decisions before the sun was fully over the horizon today.
I did not decide that today I would be a heterosexual. In fact, I've never made that choice. Even before puberty descended upon me, I was attracted to cute girls, and that has never changed. It just came naturally.
I was fortunate that, with the occasional objection of an object of my desire, this "lifestyle" was not condemned by anyone. I've never heard a preacher tell me I was a sinner because I was a practicing heterosexual, and I've yet to endure a politician drone on about legislation that would deny me the right to marry someone of the opposite sex. As a result, I've never struggled with my sexuality--nobody every told me my natural desires were wrong, and I've always felt free and unencumbered to express and explore them.
If I had grown up in a home where I was raised by two gay men or two lesbians who railed against heterosexual relationships and told me how dirty and sinful they were, I very well could have run into some serious issues. Low self esteem and sexual confusion would have been among the likely possibilities.
If religious leaders had condemned my desires for women, I probably would have pulled away from God, not feeling myself worthy of his love because of what a dirty, rotten sinner I was at heart. I may have even felt no other choice but to find a nice man to settle down with if I wanted love and companionship within socially accepted parameters.
If I had "come out" as a heterosexual, then renounced it so I could marry someone my church and state found was of an acceptable gender, I would be a "cured" or "delivered" heterosexual, even if the desires were still burning inside me.
If, like me, you are a practicing heterosexual, try to imagine this having happened to you. Pretty horrible picture, isn't it? Then why do so many of our churches and politicians insist on putting gay and lesbian people through this type of living hell? What good can come of a person denying who he or she is and allow themselves to be reformed according to someone else's idea of who they should be? Why do so many people allow themselves to be swayed by statements and beliefs rooted in ignorance?
Fortunately, we can trust God to sort it out in the end.
I did not decide that today I would be a heterosexual. In fact, I've never made that choice. Even before puberty descended upon me, I was attracted to cute girls, and that has never changed. It just came naturally.
I was fortunate that, with the occasional objection of an object of my desire, this "lifestyle" was not condemned by anyone. I've never heard a preacher tell me I was a sinner because I was a practicing heterosexual, and I've yet to endure a politician drone on about legislation that would deny me the right to marry someone of the opposite sex. As a result, I've never struggled with my sexuality--nobody every told me my natural desires were wrong, and I've always felt free and unencumbered to express and explore them.
If I had grown up in a home where I was raised by two gay men or two lesbians who railed against heterosexual relationships and told me how dirty and sinful they were, I very well could have run into some serious issues. Low self esteem and sexual confusion would have been among the likely possibilities.
If religious leaders had condemned my desires for women, I probably would have pulled away from God, not feeling myself worthy of his love because of what a dirty, rotten sinner I was at heart. I may have even felt no other choice but to find a nice man to settle down with if I wanted love and companionship within socially accepted parameters.
If I had "come out" as a heterosexual, then renounced it so I could marry someone my church and state found was of an acceptable gender, I would be a "cured" or "delivered" heterosexual, even if the desires were still burning inside me.
If, like me, you are a practicing heterosexual, try to imagine this having happened to you. Pretty horrible picture, isn't it? Then why do so many of our churches and politicians insist on putting gay and lesbian people through this type of living hell? What good can come of a person denying who he or she is and allow themselves to be reformed according to someone else's idea of who they should be? Why do so many people allow themselves to be swayed by statements and beliefs rooted in ignorance?
Fortunately, we can trust God to sort it out in the end.
October 24, 2005
The KKK and "Christian Family Values"
A while back I wrote about how branches of the KKK are entering into anti-gay activism, and here is another example. On Saturday, November 5, the KKK will hold a rally in Austin, Texas to get voters to vote against gay marriage. The kicker to this story is this quote from the e-mail they sent to ask permission to stage this rally; "We just want to come and encourage people to vote for Christian Family Values."
It is not reported what, if any, group has recruited the KKK to "help out" with their special type of rally. As a Christian, I would instantly lose respect for any religious organization/church that is involved in this campaign that does not clearly and loudly disavow themselves from the KKK. Rational christians can disagree on this issue, but anyone who welcome the KKK to their side of a debate is no longer able to claim that ground.
It is not reported what, if any, group has recruited the KKK to "help out" with their special type of rally. As a Christian, I would instantly lose respect for any religious organization/church that is involved in this campaign that does not clearly and loudly disavow themselves from the KKK. Rational christians can disagree on this issue, but anyone who welcome the KKK to their side of a debate is no longer able to claim that ground.
October 23, 2005
What Are They Afraid Of?
I saw a story regarding one high school's activity during the recent "Coming Out Week." The Gay-Straight Alliance at Pikesville High School, in my home state of Maryland, encouraged straight students to wear pink in support of their gay classmates. Some parents were up in arms about this and protested at the school, making this newsworthy.
The report, which I found on the Christian Broadcasting Network's web site (Pat Robertson's organization), refers to this action as "supporting the homosexual agenda." Honestly, every time I see this phrase used I'm afraid blood vessels in my brain will burst!
What exactly is the gay agenda? To have the same rights as their straight counterparts? To have the same opportunities to express their love for their partners that straight people do? To not be discriminated against in the job market and workplace because of their sexual orientation? To not be ostracized or the subject of hatred by the body of Christ?
That would make "the homosexual agenda" the desire of gays and lesbians to be treated with the same respect and have the same rights as a straight person. These are not "special rights" as some antagonists like to call them. These are guarantees the LGBT community need to protect their rights as an American citizen, the very rights this nation was founded upon.
Sounds pretty reasonable to me. As great as this country is in many ways, however, it has a long history of holding down minority groups, who emerge from that only after a long, hard struggle. It seems like one of the favorite targets in today's society are gays, primarily because they have the nerve to be different and because a lot of straight people have no understanding about what makes them tick.
So what are people afraid of? In this case, what they don't undestand. Unfortunately, too many people find it easier to discriminate against the LGBT community instead of educating themselves. It's okay to come in contact with them, folks, you won't catch it.
The report, which I found on the Christian Broadcasting Network's web site (Pat Robertson's organization), refers to this action as "supporting the homosexual agenda." Honestly, every time I see this phrase used I'm afraid blood vessels in my brain will burst!
What exactly is the gay agenda? To have the same rights as their straight counterparts? To have the same opportunities to express their love for their partners that straight people do? To not be discriminated against in the job market and workplace because of their sexual orientation? To not be ostracized or the subject of hatred by the body of Christ?
That would make "the homosexual agenda" the desire of gays and lesbians to be treated with the same respect and have the same rights as a straight person. These are not "special rights" as some antagonists like to call them. These are guarantees the LGBT community need to protect their rights as an American citizen, the very rights this nation was founded upon.
Sounds pretty reasonable to me. As great as this country is in many ways, however, it has a long history of holding down minority groups, who emerge from that only after a long, hard struggle. It seems like one of the favorite targets in today's society are gays, primarily because they have the nerve to be different and because a lot of straight people have no understanding about what makes them tick.
So what are people afraid of? In this case, what they don't undestand. Unfortunately, too many people find it easier to discriminate against the LGBT community instead of educating themselves. It's okay to come in contact with them, folks, you won't catch it.
October 20, 2005
Listen
That seems to be a lost art in our society, listening. People are often too busy trying to convince someone that their point of view is right that we don't make any effort to consider what the other person or people are saying.
This also applies to prayer. It is easy, especially if we lead a very busy life, to talk to God (isn't that the essence of prayer?) and get on with the next task on our long list of things to do. We often don't take time to be still and give Him a chance to respond.
I had a great experience doing just that last night. The leadership of our church met at our new facility, still strewn with construction debris, lights dangling from the unfinished ceiling, and no functioning toilets. After opening with corporate prayer, Apostle Dale was led to direct each of us to pray about a specific area of our church's ministry. We then came back together and shared what God has told us regarding those prayers. It was some truly exciting stuff!
I'm still new at some of this, and I felt the Lord touch me in a way that I could not remember happening before. As I talked with Him about what we needed to reach the lost (the area I had been asked to cover with my prayer), I stopped several times and soaked in whatever the Holy Spirit would send me.
I stood there by myself in the shell of our upstairs office area with only the light from the parking lot providing any illumination. What I saw, though, was Apostle Dale's office, very tastefully appointed, with him sitting there providing guidance and leadership as per his Apostolic calling. I saw myself and others leading small groups in the meeting room, teaching and reaching out to people, helping them open their hearts and minds to be filled with the Spirit.
I've never heard "The Voice of God," but I never felt his presence more than I did last night. He showed me part of his plans for how he would answer my prayers and gave me not only encouragement to stay the course but also emboldened me to give even more of myself to His ministry.
I listened and I received answers. If you are praying without ceasing, you may need to stop long enough to give God time enough to answer them. Praying is a form of communication, and any type of communication is only effective if it is two-way.
This also applies to prayer. It is easy, especially if we lead a very busy life, to talk to God (isn't that the essence of prayer?) and get on with the next task on our long list of things to do. We often don't take time to be still and give Him a chance to respond.
I had a great experience doing just that last night. The leadership of our church met at our new facility, still strewn with construction debris, lights dangling from the unfinished ceiling, and no functioning toilets. After opening with corporate prayer, Apostle Dale was led to direct each of us to pray about a specific area of our church's ministry. We then came back together and shared what God has told us regarding those prayers. It was some truly exciting stuff!
I'm still new at some of this, and I felt the Lord touch me in a way that I could not remember happening before. As I talked with Him about what we needed to reach the lost (the area I had been asked to cover with my prayer), I stopped several times and soaked in whatever the Holy Spirit would send me.
I stood there by myself in the shell of our upstairs office area with only the light from the parking lot providing any illumination. What I saw, though, was Apostle Dale's office, very tastefully appointed, with him sitting there providing guidance and leadership as per his Apostolic calling. I saw myself and others leading small groups in the meeting room, teaching and reaching out to people, helping them open their hearts and minds to be filled with the Spirit.
I've never heard "The Voice of God," but I never felt his presence more than I did last night. He showed me part of his plans for how he would answer my prayers and gave me not only encouragement to stay the course but also emboldened me to give even more of myself to His ministry.
I listened and I received answers. If you are praying without ceasing, you may need to stop long enough to give God time enough to answer them. Praying is a form of communication, and any type of communication is only effective if it is two-way.
October 16, 2005
The Bible is Not a Play By Play Report
If you gather a group of people together to watch a football game or a movie and ask them to write a summary, it is very unlikely that you will see two write-ups that are the same. Even though there is only one set of facts, it is human nature to filter events through our own set of values and perspective.
In summarizing the game, some would talk about the defense, others would focus on the offense. While reviewing the movie, there are those who would write about the cinematography and others that would give their views on the story line.
It is important to remember that, although the words in the Bible were inspired by God, they were written by human beings. Recently, the Catholic Church published a teaching document including instructions that some parts of the Bible are not literally true.
A key quote from the document, as reported by the London Times, states "We should not expect to find in Scripture full scientific accuracy or complete historical precision."
To put this in some perspective, admittedly mine, there are some fundamentalits that will practically fight to the death to defend the idea that Creation actually occurred in six calendar days, ignoring the wealth of scientific evidence to the contrary. Are details like that really important? Not if you're reading the Bible to seek God's will for your life instead of using it like a textbook.
God's word will not lead you to him like a set of directions to put together a bookcase. You know, insert screw A into slot B. It doesn't work like that. There are fundamentalists who swear by their literal interpretation, in my opinion, because it's easy and they don't have to open their hearts and minds.
There are people with whom I have interacted regarding the editorial content of this site who quote scriptures to point out how I am misguided and how homosexuals are sinners. When I come back with the fact that I have seen gay men and lesbian women who have been blessed with the gift of the Holy Spirit, they have no answer for that. It gets them out of their comfort zone where they answer everything by quoting scripture.
Don't get me wrong, the Bible is of course the most important book ever written. It contains wisdom well beyond what we as mere humans can understand and the writers could communicate in its full meaning. The Bible as I have come to understand it is a tool that teaches us important concepts about how to live our lives and be more like Jesus. It also teaches us how to grow closer to Him. When we do that, he fills us with the Holy Spirit and it is that Spirit which guides us through our lives.
The rest is just details which, if we are not careful, can take us AWAY from the Lord, particularly if people professing to be christians fight over them.
In summarizing the game, some would talk about the defense, others would focus on the offense. While reviewing the movie, there are those who would write about the cinematography and others that would give their views on the story line.
It is important to remember that, although the words in the Bible were inspired by God, they were written by human beings. Recently, the Catholic Church published a teaching document including instructions that some parts of the Bible are not literally true.
A key quote from the document, as reported by the London Times, states "We should not expect to find in Scripture full scientific accuracy or complete historical precision."
To put this in some perspective, admittedly mine, there are some fundamentalits that will practically fight to the death to defend the idea that Creation actually occurred in six calendar days, ignoring the wealth of scientific evidence to the contrary. Are details like that really important? Not if you're reading the Bible to seek God's will for your life instead of using it like a textbook.
God's word will not lead you to him like a set of directions to put together a bookcase. You know, insert screw A into slot B. It doesn't work like that. There are fundamentalists who swear by their literal interpretation, in my opinion, because it's easy and they don't have to open their hearts and minds.
There are people with whom I have interacted regarding the editorial content of this site who quote scriptures to point out how I am misguided and how homosexuals are sinners. When I come back with the fact that I have seen gay men and lesbian women who have been blessed with the gift of the Holy Spirit, they have no answer for that. It gets them out of their comfort zone where they answer everything by quoting scripture.
Don't get me wrong, the Bible is of course the most important book ever written. It contains wisdom well beyond what we as mere humans can understand and the writers could communicate in its full meaning. The Bible as I have come to understand it is a tool that teaches us important concepts about how to live our lives and be more like Jesus. It also teaches us how to grow closer to Him. When we do that, he fills us with the Holy Spirit and it is that Spirit which guides us through our lives.
The rest is just details which, if we are not careful, can take us AWAY from the Lord, particularly if people professing to be christians fight over them.
October 13, 2005
Equipping the Church to Evangelize and Disciple the Homosexual
That is the mission statement of an organization called "Cross Ministry," founded by an evangelist named Tim Wilkins. He tells a harrowing story of his childhood and a terrible home situation and details how his anger at his father led him to reject masculinity and embrace homosexuality.
After graduating from seminary, Wilkins talks about how he stayed celibate for years and was finally led to met a woman who he later married and now lives a happily heterosexual lifestyle. God bless him for opening himself up to the healing power of the Lord and emerging through the pain and heartbreak of his youth.
Now Wilkins, through his ministry, wants to deliver ALL homosexuals from their lifestyle, believing it is sinful back even when he was leading it himself. He means well.
What is they say about good intentions? Could Wilkins have mistaken deep psychological scaring as a young man for TRUE same-sex attraction, not being born with but developing it out of rebellion or escape or whatever his damaged psyche was processing? Could be, and there can be little doubt there are people out there with similar experiences that Cross Ministry could be of great benefit to.
There are many others, however, who are attracted to people of the same gender not because of psychological trauma but natural instincts. Cross Ministry is merely one of a growing number of "Ex-Gay" organizations that are trying to "free people from their homosexual desires." In other words, these ministries are determined to make a gay or lesbian person into someone who can totally subjicate their natural desires and follow the path that the ministry believes God wants them to. The blog "Ex-Gay Watch" covers this issues in great depth and is an excellent resource if you care to read more about this issue.
In one of the recent postings on the ministry's website, Wilkins writes about the arguement that Jesus did not directly address homosexuality, therefore he cannot be considered to have condenmed it. He correctly points out that, of course, not every word Jesus said was recorded, so maybe he did actually get around to speaking out about that lifestyle and those words just didn't make the cut in the Bible. That could very well be true, but Wilkins neglects the fact that Scriptures are inspired by the Holy Spirit, so if Jesus did speak about homosexuality, God determined it was not significant enough to include in the Bible. I'm content to trust God's judgement on that one.
Wilkins also says that, since Jesus spoke out about "child molestation, domestic abuse, or rape," then certainly he would have condemned homosexuality. Do people who make statements like this ever go back and realize how misguided they are? There is an enormous diference between the sins he lists and homosexuality--the sins are where someone forces their will upon another person. Homosexual acts are between two consenting adults, and I have seen monogomous, loving same-sex relationships flourish with God's blessings within our church.
I hope God will bless organizations like Cross Ministry as they reach people who are confused about their sexual identity and lead them to seek the Lord's guidance to resolve that question. For individuals who find out they are gay or lesbian, I pray that they are delivered from an "Ex-Gay" ministry without any lasting psychological damage.
After graduating from seminary, Wilkins talks about how he stayed celibate for years and was finally led to met a woman who he later married and now lives a happily heterosexual lifestyle. God bless him for opening himself up to the healing power of the Lord and emerging through the pain and heartbreak of his youth.
Now Wilkins, through his ministry, wants to deliver ALL homosexuals from their lifestyle, believing it is sinful back even when he was leading it himself. He means well.
What is they say about good intentions? Could Wilkins have mistaken deep psychological scaring as a young man for TRUE same-sex attraction, not being born with but developing it out of rebellion or escape or whatever his damaged psyche was processing? Could be, and there can be little doubt there are people out there with similar experiences that Cross Ministry could be of great benefit to.
There are many others, however, who are attracted to people of the same gender not because of psychological trauma but natural instincts. Cross Ministry is merely one of a growing number of "Ex-Gay" organizations that are trying to "free people from their homosexual desires." In other words, these ministries are determined to make a gay or lesbian person into someone who can totally subjicate their natural desires and follow the path that the ministry believes God wants them to. The blog "Ex-Gay Watch" covers this issues in great depth and is an excellent resource if you care to read more about this issue.
In one of the recent postings on the ministry's website, Wilkins writes about the arguement that Jesus did not directly address homosexuality, therefore he cannot be considered to have condenmed it. He correctly points out that, of course, not every word Jesus said was recorded, so maybe he did actually get around to speaking out about that lifestyle and those words just didn't make the cut in the Bible. That could very well be true, but Wilkins neglects the fact that Scriptures are inspired by the Holy Spirit, so if Jesus did speak about homosexuality, God determined it was not significant enough to include in the Bible. I'm content to trust God's judgement on that one.
Wilkins also says that, since Jesus spoke out about "child molestation, domestic abuse, or rape," then certainly he would have condemned homosexuality. Do people who make statements like this ever go back and realize how misguided they are? There is an enormous diference between the sins he lists and homosexuality--the sins are where someone forces their will upon another person. Homosexual acts are between two consenting adults, and I have seen monogomous, loving same-sex relationships flourish with God's blessings within our church.
I hope God will bless organizations like Cross Ministry as they reach people who are confused about their sexual identity and lead them to seek the Lord's guidance to resolve that question. For individuals who find out they are gay or lesbian, I pray that they are delivered from an "Ex-Gay" ministry without any lasting psychological damage.
October 08, 2005
October 11, 2004
A day can come along without warning that suddenly changes the course of our lives. October 11, 2004 was mine--the day my beloved wife Bette (pronounced Betty) left this world and our home in Maryland and was taken up to heaven.
As with most life changing events, this came as a complete surprise. Bette had struggled with her health and been in constant pain for several years. She had been feeling better in recent days, though, and she was excited about our plans to move into a new home at the end of October. The main limitation Bette still faced was her stamina—she got tired and out of breath very easily.
She had a flare up on October 10 and needed to take some of her pain medication. This resulted in Bette sleeping most of the day while I watched football. She enjoyed the first half of that evening’s Redskins-Ravens game with me before heading to bed. I stayed up to watch our favorite team, the Ravens, win before I retired for the night.
When I climbed into bed, Bette asked, "Did we win?" I answered, "Yep, we sure did." "Good," she said, "I love you" and then rolled back over. I responded, "I love you too baby girl. Good night." Bette was in a very sound sleep when I left for work that morning, not unusual since our body clocks were different and she was physically unable to work. I kissed her goodbye and headed out to begin my commute.
I felt very good about life that morning. The prior few months had been the best of our marriage. We had endured some very stressful times in recent years, but most of that was behind us. We were able to enjoy some excellent quality time with each other and looked forward to many more years of the same.
Bette never woke up, passing away sometime during the afternoon of October 11. Her heart, under such strain because of her physical problems, finally gave out. When I found her body that afternoon, she was snuggled up in a very comfortable position. She obviously felt no pain and drifted off to heaven very peacefully. She had passed from this existence more excited and hopeful about the future than she had ever been. We should all be so fortunate. Bette did not have to endure those hopes and dreams being dashed because of yet more physical limitations brought on by a weak, tired heart.
Every couple likes to tell you that they share a love like no other, but we actually did. Nothing was more important to me than my Bette, and nothing came ahead of her Jimmy. Everything was better when we were together and nothing was quite as good when we were apart. We never needed a "break" from each other. During our final spring and summer together, our favorite activity was simply holding each other and savoring the amazing level of intimacy we shared.
I learned so much about what it means to be a man, a partner, a husband, and a lover from Bette. She never fully realized the depth of her wisdom. Bette knew when to give me a hug and when to apply a swift kick in my pants. She taught me how to take responsibility for my life and not to hide behind blaming others for my shortcomings. Bette was one of the strongest people I have ever known. She gave me the strength to try new things, most of all writing.
Bette believed in my writing long before I ever did. We sat in a department store cafeteria one night talking, and she kept prodding me with the question "What do you really want to do?" When I finally answered writing, she nodded, having already known that herself. She knew me so much better than I knew myself.
As I began the sportswriting part of my career, she was my editor. As Bette read more about basketball and football, she learned about the games and grew to enjoy watching them with me. Two of the highlights of our time together were sharing the Ravens’ Super Bowl victory and especially The University of Maryland’s NCAA basketball championship.
Most of all, Bette taught me unconditional love. I had never received that from anyone. My mother loved me tremendously, but always pointed out how I had to "earn" that in her eyes or else she would withhold it. Bette taught me how to receive love unconditionally, and it became very easy for me to love her in that manner.
I could never have asked for a partner more devoted or that could love me more completely. Now, twelve years to the day after I met her, she was gone and I felt very much alone.
I have learned a lot about myself and about life in general in the last year, and the first enlightenment I received was that I was far from alone. My best friend Robin showed up at my apartment later that evening and stayed until well past midnight. Bette’s family in Illinois was extremely supportive and did most of the work setting up her memorial service out there.
My friend Brian joined Robin at my place the next evening, both of them putting aside very hectic schedules to do so. My brother Michael and brother-in-law Mike drove down from Rochester, New York, and stayed with me until I left for Illinois, then made the trip out and back with me. My coworkers at BAE Systems were extremely supportive. I was NOT alone, and I learned to take advantage of the offers people made to help me, something I had never been good at before. I had always viewed that as a sign of weakness, but I now felt very weak.
God gave me the right words to say at the memorial service the following Saturday, held at the gravesite of Bette’s parents she had missed so much. The outpouring of love from her friends and family in Illinois would have touched her deeply, as it touched me. Many tears were shed that day, especially by me. Bette had taught me long ago I could cry and still be a strong man. I even saw Robin, who flew out from Maryland for the service, shed a tear for the first time in the 34 years I had known him.
Much to my surprise, the sun came up on October 12 and has every day since then. There is a certain liberation I felt after realizing the worst thing that could possibly happen to me occurred; yet I was still standing. There has been a lot of pain over the last year, but I continue to have plenty of help dealing with and moving beyond it.
My friends and family (including those in Illinois) and my grief therapist Tom Golden have been invaluable in leading me forward in my life, as has my church family at Believers’ Covenant Fellowship. Apostle Dale Jarrett has quickly become a wonderful source of spiritual wisdom and a trusted friend. Then there is Brenda, who I will write about in a few weeks. I will just say for now she is amazing, an angel God provided to lead me into this next phase of my life and help make it the best yet.
I write this today, on the first anniversary of Bette’s passing, to thank those who have stepped up over the last year, and to have a written record of what a wonderful, loving, and giving person Bette was. She accomplished many things as a social worker and activist in Illinois during the 1980’s and helped many people improve the quality of their lives. As I have detailed above, though, the person she had the most positive lasting impact on was myself. Anything I may accomplish going forward will be partially due to her influence on my life.
I wish I could build a memorial to Bette or name a building or a charitable organization after her so there would be some tangible lasting evidence on earth of who she was and what she did with her life. At this time, however, all I have are these words to share with you. I hope they have succeeded in shedding some light on the truly wonderful loving, giving woman Elizabeth Marie Johnson (Steward) was.
The twelve years Bette and I had together did not seem like nearly enough time, and there were a lot of things we never got around to doing. Rather than feel regret for what was left undone, I rejoice in the love and time we did share. Less than three weeks before she passed away, Bette wrote me a note that included this quote: "I will cherish all the memories we have made for all eternity." Likewise, my darling.
I thank God for those twelve years and for the opportunities that lay ahead.
I thank you for taking the time to read this and learn about my beloved Bette.
As with most life changing events, this came as a complete surprise. Bette had struggled with her health and been in constant pain for several years. She had been feeling better in recent days, though, and she was excited about our plans to move into a new home at the end of October. The main limitation Bette still faced was her stamina—she got tired and out of breath very easily.
She had a flare up on October 10 and needed to take some of her pain medication. This resulted in Bette sleeping most of the day while I watched football. She enjoyed the first half of that evening’s Redskins-Ravens game with me before heading to bed. I stayed up to watch our favorite team, the Ravens, win before I retired for the night.
When I climbed into bed, Bette asked, "Did we win?" I answered, "Yep, we sure did." "Good," she said, "I love you" and then rolled back over. I responded, "I love you too baby girl. Good night." Bette was in a very sound sleep when I left for work that morning, not unusual since our body clocks were different and she was physically unable to work. I kissed her goodbye and headed out to begin my commute.
I felt very good about life that morning. The prior few months had been the best of our marriage. We had endured some very stressful times in recent years, but most of that was behind us. We were able to enjoy some excellent quality time with each other and looked forward to many more years of the same.
Bette never woke up, passing away sometime during the afternoon of October 11. Her heart, under such strain because of her physical problems, finally gave out. When I found her body that afternoon, she was snuggled up in a very comfortable position. She obviously felt no pain and drifted off to heaven very peacefully. She had passed from this existence more excited and hopeful about the future than she had ever been. We should all be so fortunate. Bette did not have to endure those hopes and dreams being dashed because of yet more physical limitations brought on by a weak, tired heart.
Every couple likes to tell you that they share a love like no other, but we actually did. Nothing was more important to me than my Bette, and nothing came ahead of her Jimmy. Everything was better when we were together and nothing was quite as good when we were apart. We never needed a "break" from each other. During our final spring and summer together, our favorite activity was simply holding each other and savoring the amazing level of intimacy we shared.
I learned so much about what it means to be a man, a partner, a husband, and a lover from Bette. She never fully realized the depth of her wisdom. Bette knew when to give me a hug and when to apply a swift kick in my pants. She taught me how to take responsibility for my life and not to hide behind blaming others for my shortcomings. Bette was one of the strongest people I have ever known. She gave me the strength to try new things, most of all writing.
Bette believed in my writing long before I ever did. We sat in a department store cafeteria one night talking, and she kept prodding me with the question "What do you really want to do?" When I finally answered writing, she nodded, having already known that herself. She knew me so much better than I knew myself.
As I began the sportswriting part of my career, she was my editor. As Bette read more about basketball and football, she learned about the games and grew to enjoy watching them with me. Two of the highlights of our time together were sharing the Ravens’ Super Bowl victory and especially The University of Maryland’s NCAA basketball championship.
Most of all, Bette taught me unconditional love. I had never received that from anyone. My mother loved me tremendously, but always pointed out how I had to "earn" that in her eyes or else she would withhold it. Bette taught me how to receive love unconditionally, and it became very easy for me to love her in that manner.
I could never have asked for a partner more devoted or that could love me more completely. Now, twelve years to the day after I met her, she was gone and I felt very much alone.
I have learned a lot about myself and about life in general in the last year, and the first enlightenment I received was that I was far from alone. My best friend Robin showed up at my apartment later that evening and stayed until well past midnight. Bette’s family in Illinois was extremely supportive and did most of the work setting up her memorial service out there.
My friend Brian joined Robin at my place the next evening, both of them putting aside very hectic schedules to do so. My brother Michael and brother-in-law Mike drove down from Rochester, New York, and stayed with me until I left for Illinois, then made the trip out and back with me. My coworkers at BAE Systems were extremely supportive. I was NOT alone, and I learned to take advantage of the offers people made to help me, something I had never been good at before. I had always viewed that as a sign of weakness, but I now felt very weak.
God gave me the right words to say at the memorial service the following Saturday, held at the gravesite of Bette’s parents she had missed so much. The outpouring of love from her friends and family in Illinois would have touched her deeply, as it touched me. Many tears were shed that day, especially by me. Bette had taught me long ago I could cry and still be a strong man. I even saw Robin, who flew out from Maryland for the service, shed a tear for the first time in the 34 years I had known him.
Much to my surprise, the sun came up on October 12 and has every day since then. There is a certain liberation I felt after realizing the worst thing that could possibly happen to me occurred; yet I was still standing. There has been a lot of pain over the last year, but I continue to have plenty of help dealing with and moving beyond it.
My friends and family (including those in Illinois) and my grief therapist Tom Golden have been invaluable in leading me forward in my life, as has my church family at Believers’ Covenant Fellowship. Apostle Dale Jarrett has quickly become a wonderful source of spiritual wisdom and a trusted friend. Then there is Brenda, who I will write about in a few weeks. I will just say for now she is amazing, an angel God provided to lead me into this next phase of my life and help make it the best yet.
I write this today, on the first anniversary of Bette’s passing, to thank those who have stepped up over the last year, and to have a written record of what a wonderful, loving, and giving person Bette was. She accomplished many things as a social worker and activist in Illinois during the 1980’s and helped many people improve the quality of their lives. As I have detailed above, though, the person she had the most positive lasting impact on was myself. Anything I may accomplish going forward will be partially due to her influence on my life.
I wish I could build a memorial to Bette or name a building or a charitable organization after her so there would be some tangible lasting evidence on earth of who she was and what she did with her life. At this time, however, all I have are these words to share with you. I hope they have succeeded in shedding some light on the truly wonderful loving, giving woman Elizabeth Marie Johnson (Steward) was.
The twelve years Bette and I had together did not seem like nearly enough time, and there were a lot of things we never got around to doing. Rather than feel regret for what was left undone, I rejoice in the love and time we did share. Less than three weeks before she passed away, Bette wrote me a note that included this quote: "I will cherish all the memories we have made for all eternity." Likewise, my darling.
I thank God for those twelve years and for the opportunities that lay ahead.
I thank you for taking the time to read this and learn about my beloved Bette.
September 25, 2005
God Loves Heterosexuals Too
I ran across a website called "Rainbow Revival" that contained a quote I found thought-provoking and funny at the same time.
The site quotes Lynn Lavner, a lesbian comic: "The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision."
After you stop laughing, think about that for a minute. Hmmm.
The site quotes Lynn Lavner, a lesbian comic: "The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision."
After you stop laughing, think about that for a minute. Hmmm.
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