June 23, 2009

"Breaking Through the Walls of Fear and Guilt"

Peterson Toscano is a spirit-filled queer Quaker who has been through hell and back. He tried very hard for years to change his orientation from gay, mistakenly buying into the claim that God would change him if he only had enough faith. He has performed several plays based on his expereinces, and he writes an essay on his blog A Musing answering someone's e-mail and trying to help them escape from the pain and guilt they have been driven to. Here is an excerpt:

In the end I discovered that I can be a person passionately in love with
Jesus, serving God and still have a gay orientation. I can be authentic about
myself, even if much of the church seems to disagree. In the process I
rediscovered the scriptures for myself, found myself in them and a deeper

It is not easy. Many trials, many doubts and the journey has required a
certain fearlessness in the face of LOUD opposition, particularly rattling in my
head from years of hearing it in the church. But when I get to the heart, when I
get to the Spirit, when I sit still in the presence of God, I have peace and
clarity. The ruts in my head that led me to places that continually condemned me
and harassed me have leveled out.

My mind grows more and more liberated each day as I practice Romans
12:1,2–No longer conform to the patterns of this world (Patterns that say one
must be gender-normative, heterosexual, and if you are not there must be
something wrong with you and you will encounter troubles. Patterns that say that
masculinity is more valuable than femininity. Patterns that insist that one must
bow and scrape to the teachings of men instead of the leadings of God), but be
transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you can better understand God’s
will for you life.

Peterson went through a lot to get to this point. I hope that someone has found this post and, by reading his words, can chart a different path for their life.

Click here to read Peterson's entire essay.

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